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Here's a new game I just invented while freezing my ass off on the back porch right now smoking a stupid cigarette in 100 mph ice wind scrolling through my news feed like a robot from the future. Except the robot gets cold outside I guess, so it's a pretty shitty robot. Maybe it's like a proto-type robot? That smokes? Aww nuts, never mind that whole analogy.
One of these stories makes me sad, one of them makes me angry, and one of them fills my brain shaft with bloodlust. See if you can guess which is which!
First up, via comes this look into the state of American school systems. "Why We're Dumb Now" you might call it.
Apparently what we have here is a teacher using Facebook during class catching a student using Facebook during class, at which point (relative) hilarity ensues. Oh no they didn't! Oh no everybody didn't do anything! So, yeah, that's why we're dumb. Also, teachers being friends with students on Facebook? Sooo sketchy you guys!
| via Washington Post/ wow, just saying |
Next up we've got this thing. New York Rep. Peter King is on a witch hunt for Muslims, which everyone knows is stupid because only Haitians and lesbians are witches. This is big news, I saw it on the Jon Stewarts, but up until now I thought everyone was talking about the guy from Sports Illustrated who writes a football column about Starbucks coffee. "Why Luke is Dumb" you might call that one.
Nope, it's actually a real deal legislator who is holding hearings on “The Extent of Radicalization in the American Muslim Community and that Community's Response" on Thursday. Except it turns out Peter King is a terrorist lover himself. Gawker, via the New York Times points out:
Nope, it's actually a real deal legislator who is holding hearings on “The Extent of Radicalization in the American Muslim Community and that Community's Response" on Thursday. Except it turns out Peter King is a terrorist lover himself. Gawker, via the New York Times points out:
Long before he became an outspoken voice in Congress about the threat from terrorism, he was a fervent supporter of a terrorist group, the Irish Republican Army.
"We must pledge ourselves to support those brave men and women who this very moment are carrying forth the struggle against British imperialism in the streets of Belfast and Derry," Mr. King told a pro-I.R.A. rally on Long Island, where he was serving as Nassau County comptroller, in 1982. Three years later he declared, "If civilians are killed in an attack on a military installation, it is certainly regrettable, but I will not morally blame the I.R.A. for it."
| look at this jowly fuck |
Yeah, but, those terrorists were white. Durr. (Wait, does Irish count as white?)
OK, third, and lastly, comes this tale via Mother Nature via The Things I Daydream About When I Should Be Writing. Also the BBC.
A Bengal tiger has killed a lion at Ankara Zoo after finding a gap in the fence separating their cages, say zoo officials in the Turkish capital.The tiger severed the lion's jugular vein in a single stroke with its paw, leaving the animal dying in a pool of blood, officials said.
I wonder how many tiger meathook hay-makers it would take to take down that racist Walrus in the pic above?
OK, so, who wins the game? What were the rules again anyway? Three different people who get pwnt hard? Was that it? Close enough.
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7 comments:
Hmm not sure who wins but the loser is definitely the dumbass who is facebook friends with his teacher and parents. Seriously? That glaring lack of critical thinking is why we're fucked not posting "bored zzzzzz" and not paying attention in class!
/Still funny
What if it is one of those pron star / blow job teachers they've got running around all over the place nowadays?
Then we all give each other high fives till we get sore bro hands.
Bro hands don't get sore.
Sad, Angry or Boner? The answer is boner. Always.
Sincerely,
14 y.o. teenage boy
where did this comment go? i liked it.
Here’s a game: which is saddest? Finding and submitting Facebook mishaps to a site whose content is Facebook mishaps? Running that site? Regularly visiting that site and LOLing hard? Posting content from that site in a blog? Seeing the content on a blog/site that posted it from the source and then posting that blog/site in your blog? Creating bogus Facebook mishaps to post on a site for Facebook mishaps? Being the kind of person who thinks everything on the internet is fake? Being the kind of person who thinks everything on the internet is real? Posting this comment? I think I might be leaving out some variables.
Thanks, G. I don't know what happened. Internet witches be ganking my shit. I didn't mean it to be rhetorical, either. Or did I?
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