Why is everyone so worried about this "timeline" feature revealing embarrassing things we might've said on Facebook years ago? Isn't that the very reason for Facebook's existence? To embarrass ourselves in front of the world? Forever. Maybe I'm not doing it right.

No, you're doing just fine, everyone who is friends with me on Facebook, all of my co-workers, my wife, and my family all just thought. 

I'm not sure I even get what it's there for. Exactly who is going to go to the trouble of going back and looking at every thing someone ever posted? I wonder what some kid I met at a party one time like two years ago and haven't talked to since thought about the debut of the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie?

I know our pasts might not seem pretty from this wizened vantage, but neither does, I dunno, the underside of my balls. Just do like what most guys do then and pretend that whole situation doesn't exist. Problem solved. Also, incidentally, how I think about every other problem in my life I can ignore, and literally every other thing that happened any further back than yesterday. If it's not still status update worthy right fucking now then it doesn't really exist does it?

You might have cause for concern if you're the type of person that's worried about potential employers/clients digging through your past, but that's your own fault for having such a boring life where that could be a problem. I treat talking shit on Facebook like a dude with hand tattoos, I'm not gonna ever have a real job anyway, so what's the difference? I guess that's how I also think of my actual hand tattoos.

I think the moral of the story is, don't ever be something online that you're not prepared to be perceived as forever, which is why I'm glad every single awful piece of shit writing I perpetrated upon the world from the pre-social network era has disappeared into the vortex. Now no one will ever know what a hack I am, except for everyone reading this today, and tomorrow, and a million years in the future, when Facebook timeline threads are the last remaining evidence of 21st century human culture. Besides Dunkin Donuts cups, and all of our shrines to Tim Tebow that is.