The only thing there is more of on the internet than stupid people and criminals is stupid people who like to read about other stupid people and criminals doing stupid and criminal things. So here's today's red meat, you savages, in this news story from CBS Cleveland caleld so we can feel better about ourselves.

A local man was arrested Monday for siphoning gas from a police cruiser. He may have gotten away with the crime — if he hadn’t posted a picture of himself in the act on his Facebook page.

If I've learned anything from cop shows it's that the most sophisticated criminals, mastermind serial killers and such, want to get caught. They carry out their elaborate and dastardly plots simply for the attention. That's why they always leave a tell-tale calling card body-mutilating signature or whatever, or, you know, take a picture of themselves doing something dumb and forward it to the self-check-in desk at the local precinct, aka your Facebook profile. Cleveland 20-year-old, Michael Baker, for example.

“Yeah, we’re sorry, but it was just a joke,” [his girlfriend] Sandelin said. “I mean, if we was [sic] going to steal gas, we wouldn’t put it nationwide on Facebook. We don’t steal anyway, but we’re sorry.”

However, Baker later told [local news station] WYMT that he did take some of the fuel, and was not truly sorry for his crime.

The real sociopaths never are. They're simply incapable of relating to the rest of the world like you and I. They have no emotion or sense of empathy, especially in cases like this where, the news story points out "the price for a regular gallon of gas in Kentucky is presently $3.90." Wait did this go down in Ohio or Kentucky. Meh, same thing.

Baker, the story goes on, "was charged with theft by unlawful taking", a phrase I would like to hereby charge with unlawful stupid by wording.

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