This New York Times review by Pete Wells that a dozen people are sharing in your feed right now about Guy Fieri’s new Times Square restaurant is the Guy Fieri restaurant of reviews. It’s forced, ham-fisted, and obvious, I don’t want to finish anything it’s serving me, and I have no idea why it’s getting so much attention. Perhaps, like the Times Square locale of the restaurant in question, the only reason anyone is reading it is because they can find it on some well-trafficked real estate.
Did panic grip your soul as you stared into the whirling hypno wheel of the menu, where adjectives and nouns spin in a crazy vortex? When you saw the burger described as “Guy’s Pat LaFrieda custom blend, all-natural Creekstone Farm Black Angus beef patty, LTOP (lettuce, tomato, onion + pickle), SMC (super-melty-cheese) and a slathering of Donkey Sauce on garlic-buttered brioche,” did your mind touch the void for a minute?…
I’ve no illusions about this place being anything other than a depressing purgatory of cheese—both kinds—but a piece full of moderately humorous rhetorical question after moderately humorous rhetorical question hardly seems worth the hullabaloo. Couldn’t they have just used an impact font on a picture of Guy Fieri spiking a volleyball of ranch dressing at some bikini babes in a dune buggy that said SHITTY RESTAURANT IS SHITTY and saved some time? Read the rest at Bullett.
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3 comments:
I wish there was a way you could go back in time and post that review (in the name of social experiment) as your own. People would be all, “You really stuck it to that Guy Fieri, O’Neil.” Instead, we can only be all, “You really stuck it to that Wells, O’Neil.” It all sort of begs the only question that’s really important anymore: R U mad, bro?
kind of
Dons wristband on upper forearm and backwardses sunglasses in a show of unity.
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