Thursday, November 29, 2012

49ers QB Kaepernick besmirches position with tattoos says totally not racist AOL scribe



By this late date in our gradual enslouchment toward Babylon, it's a given that pop culture figures are going to come covered tit to jowl in tattoos. So much so that even the nation's orneriest watchdogs of fleshly purity and character-issues, sports writers, have resigned themselves to the inevitability. Our professional sports leagues may be populated by skin-besmirched body-modded skulldugs, but at least that sort of nonsense is reserved for athletes of a lower class -- linebackers, say, or heroin-addicted baseball sluggers, or anyone in the NBA, which, you know.  NFL quarterbacks, on the other hand, should know better. They're the faces of billion-dollar corporations, and they should damn well comport themselves like it, if not with their penises, then at least with their outermost epidermal layers. 

So writes David Whitley in a piece on AOL Fan House this week about ascendant San Francsisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick, presumably after coming inside from .

If you must post Instagram pictures of every cocktail you order, at least make the pictures good



It may come as no surprise to hear that Instagram is one of the fastest-growing social media applications in the world. A study by the digital business analytics company comScore found that the picture-sharing site surpassed Twitter in active users for the first time in August, with 7.3 million active users per day to Twitter’s 6.9 million, and that Instagram users were spending more time interacting with the service. 

It’s still behind when it comes to active users per month, however, but that may change with the recent announcement that the Facebook-owned Instagram is now in the process of rolling out Web browser-based profiles. Until now it was only available on mobile devices. 

If your social network is anything like mine, that’s going to mean more and more images of food and drinks to scroll through. The thinking seems to be, if you consume an alcoholic beverage and don’t instantly post an image of it to social media, did you really drink it? 

Oh weird, I think Sky Ferreira might be the real deal


Sky Ferreira
At: TT the Bear's Place, Tuesday
Listening to the recorded output of 20 year old Los Angeles singer, model, actress, and meme Sky Ferreira, it's clear that the star-in-the-making is being pulled in a number of conflicting directions at once. Whether that's a result of corporate interests at work behind the scenes, or her own generationally-appropriate genre attention span remains to be seen. Her performance at TT the Bear's on Tuesday played out the schizophrenic pace of her two EPs' varied musical colors in a short 30 minute set.


“Lost In My Bedroom” set the table with its throbbing, dirty bass line and chiming synths, with Ferreira skipping between a lilting and husky vocal approach. The song is the type of pouting electro-pop you might expect to hear soundtracking a runway fashion show, which Ferreira, with her aloof stage presence, ably conjured through a series of self-conscious and endearingly awkward poses. Read the rest in the Boston Globe

Check out the song of the year (maybe) below. 

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Video of Boston Music Awards thing me x Bearstronaut, Fat Creeps and more


 

Here's a video of the thing I did the other week introducing Bearstronaut as my pick for best band in Boston at Redstar Studios as part of the Boston Music Awards lead up. Get me doing gags before the band plays. Yay. 

On Sunday Redstar will be hosting another show which will be live-streamed at the awards ceremony, featuring Mean Creek, Gem Club and Yale, Massachusetts during the Boston Music Awards, and there will be a shuttle back and forth between two locations. More info here

Check out video of all the bands that have performed at Redstar in the past couple weeks here. Some great performances in there, particularly Fat Creeps.  

I'm just surprised more chefs don't tell guests to go fuck themselves




Everyone loves a good public meltdown, and this one from Boston restaurant Pigalle, a fine restaurant I happen to quite like, I will say, is certainly a doozy. Responding to a displeased guest, who likened the pumpkin pie to vomit, the restaurant, presumably owner/chef Marc Orfaly, unleashed a tirade of invective against the guest, which you can read below, courtesy of .

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Link Dump: Baby Hashtag, Glass Popcorn + Angus T. Jones finds god

 
Baby Hashtag Is Kind of a Cute Name, Actually. These Ones Are Worse
To be honest, considering the near-infinite combination of sounds, letters, symbols, geographical locations, and corporate brands that there are out there to choose from, I kind of think the name is cute. Hashtag. Tag for short, just like Sarah Palin’s kid! Have you seen the way young people have been identifying themselves online for the past few years? Seems like we’re almost about ready to welcome into the world a new age of µøø∆s and ∑®∫√s. As far as internet-based names go, this is some entry-level shit. Read the rest.
Think-Piecing Our Way Through What Trollwave Phenom Glass Popcorn ‘Means’
But whereas the hook of the Kitty Pryde marketability narrative presented itself to me immediately, even as a bonafide #old, I think the latest iteration of the arms race to the bottom of the youth culture well in 15-year-old Arizona rapper/producer/troll Glass Popcorn, may be a bridge too far for me to cross. Glass Popcorn’s branded internet space comes with too convoluted a collection of story beats to process. It’s Borges staring into the heart of the internet Aleph, and perceiving all things from all time overlapping at once. Read the rest.  
‘Two and a Half Men’ Star Angus T. Jones Wants You to Stop Watching. Done 
Two And a Half Men, the curly chest-haired cultural nadir of laugh-tracked boner jokes has driven another one of its stars crazy. There are only two directions for a celebrity to turn to in the midst of a meltdown, and since one extreme was already taken by Charlie Sheen, Angus T. Young, aka the O.G. “Half Man” before Peter Dinklage assumed that moniker on Game of Thrones, has cast his lot with a force even more intoxicating and damaging than coke and pussy: Jesus Christ. Read the rest.
 

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Does supporting 'buy local' campaigns actually make you a Republican?




We can all agree that Black Friday is an unequivocal evil, right? Many of us spent a significant portion of the day yesterday chuckling at the Day of the Locusts-like stampede of porcine consumers doing flatscreen-judo on the killing floors of Walmarts throughout the country, all the while decrying mindless consumerism even as we echoed the mindless reactionary talking points on our corporate overlord Facebook.  Go back and look in your social feeds for evidence of the pontificating outrage. Other, more stridently-political among us stumped for Buy Nothing Day. Today the rhetoric has shifted focus to a different, albeit still consuming-based, holiday: Small Business Saturday, or come in the frequent reminders about the Shift Your Shopping campaign.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012



It's a holiday, bitches, that means just like on the tee-vers it's re-run time.

Back before the internet, which is an actual period of history that existed, although I suppose I can't really prove it, so never mind, it wasn't that easy to figure out all of the ways the people you knew in high school and never wanted to hear from again were failing. Maybe you'd bump into someone at the mall back home while you were doing some last minute Christmas shopping, which is another thing people used to do. They'd usually look like Vincent D'Onofrio's alien character from Men In Black, like they climbed inside a fatter, grosser skin-suit of themselves, which was good for the self esteem of those of us who didn't spend our time since high school grazing in a field of chicken wings. So you'd do an awkward stop and chat filling each other in on the past five or ten years of shared mediocrity, then you'd be like “Nice to see you, I gotta run” and you'd speed out of there on your roller blades, because everyone rollerbladed everywhere back then if I'm remembering it correctly. 

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Am I the Face of a Nigerian Online Romance Scammer?


A woman got in touch with me recently saying she had been engaged in an online romance with a man who was using my pictures to misrepresent himself online. haha? Turns out he was a scammer. I wrote about what happened to her for the Huffington Post

If it hasn't happened already, it's likely that somewhere down the line each of us will have been the mark of an attempted online scam of one kind or another. You may imagine some shadowy cabal of Nigerian gangsters targeting naïve senior citizens unschooled in Internet security, or anonymous-style hackers trolling for credit card information, and you probably wouldn't be too far off. But what does it mean when the face on the other end of the scam looks a bit more familiar? What if it's your own?

That's a question I confronted recently when I was contacted out of the blue by a recently divorced German woman on Facebook claiming to have been involved in a months-long burgeoning romance with a man she had never met. That man was me. Sort of. Her broken English only served to heighten the sense of disconnect from reality as she explained the details of her affair.
normally it is not my way to contact an absolut strange man at facebook, but it might be, that this i want you to tell is a little bit interresting for you. first sorry, because of my bad english, but i am a german and not otfen using english words. so, now the little story i want you to tell. you are not really a stranger for me, okay only your fotos are not strange, because a few month ago i got a friendship request from a man at facebook. i was a little bit curious to know more about this man, he sent me some fotos, fotos from you. now, four month later i found out the real identity of the man showing at this fotos are you and i found out that the man, who uses your fotos is an nigerian scammer.
My initial reaction to reading this was one of bemusement. Naturally someone would use a photo of me in a situation like this, I thought. Aren't I the handsome fellow.  Read the rest


Also, kind of find it pretty hilarious that everyone who is tweeting the article out from the Huffington Post right now are the fakest looking group of robot Tweet motherfuckers I've ever seen. LOL. See the pic below. 

Monday, November 19, 2012

Haha this is the 'gayest' news story I've ever seen


Not exactly sure what's going on here, and not sure I want to know, but this has to be the best Freudian lorem ipsum you've seen in a long time, right? Setting aside the title of the piece, which hasn't shown up on NBC News in Chicago yet, (and who knows what sort of wonders that's going to hold in store), the link at the bottom leads to an AP story on the idea of making Illinois the next candidate for pushing for legalized same sex marriage, which, I suppose, is actually pretty gay. Not sure it's "Gay. Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay. GAY! Gaygaygay" gay, but I'm not a hard news man, so I can't say for certain. 

Horrifying ‘Public Shaming’ Tumblr Makes Schadenfreude an Art Form


Yesterday I was very excited about Hello There, Racists! a Tumblr dedicated to outing and shaming people who say horrendously racist shit on their social media, but that’s only the icing on the beautifully complex layer cake of obtuseness, offensiveness, and awe-inspiring lack of self-awareness at work in the minds of the nation’s near-illiterate, hate-fueled, racist, spoiled, obliviously lazy cretins. , takes the concept of outing assholes to the next level, by juxtaposing the worst sort of political hate with evidence of these losers’ own sad lives. It’s truly a thing of beauty, and unlike most Tumblrs, seems like it actually took some work to put together.  Tell your lazy assistant to hold all your calls for the next hour, because it’s time to get to work. If the internet stopped tomorrow we can all die happy having read this. 

Read the rest.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Link dump: Sandy relief concert jokes, literature's best openings, Rhye, Bearstronaut, Wild Belle, David Simon + more


Couple links to things wot I word-wrote this week that weren't so horrible via the Boston Globe, Interview Mag, and Bullett. 

Discovery: Bearstronaut
 
No matter how much we grow to appreciate electronic dance music, it still doesn't change the fact that standing in a room watching someone fiddle with a laptop is kind of ridiculous. It's much more natural to watch someone fiddle with an actual keyboard, right? That's why the new prevalence of crossover bands that straddle the line between electronic and more traditional rock is such a welcome change. Bands like , who combine the euphoria of the club experience with the grounded humanity of a rock band. Read the rest.

Are These the Best 100 Opening Lines in Literature?

“What’s it going to be then, eh?” asked Luke O’Neil, handsome, clever, and not so rich, with a comfortable home and happy disposition, born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad, who awoke one morning from uneasy dreams on a bright cold day in November when the clocks were striking thirteen, and decided that he would compose the blog himself today, saying, “If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is that it’s a truth universally acknowledged that all good listicles are alike; each bad listicle is bad in its own way,” — as in, for example, this post on The Best 100 Openings Lines From Books in StylistUK, a magazine far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the West... Read the rest

Suggested Jokes to Make Regarding Star-Studded Sandy Relief Concert Lineup

Normally I’d have a few low-hanging jokes to knock off the ripe tree of snark for a show like this, but it’s obviously an important cause, so I’ll refrain today. You, on the other hand, you aren’t as noble as I am, so here are a few modest suggestions for things you can complain and joke about on your personally branded social media outlets:

1) The ticket prices. How about those ticket prices? Who am I, Bruce Springsteen that I can afford these tickets? How much are tickets anyway?
2) How old everyone on the bill is. Old people are weird! Read the rest

Our picks for the 25th Boston Music Awards
 
The 25th edition of the Boston Music Awards isn’t until Dec. 2, but voting is open on the website until Monday, so there’s ample time left to voice your opinion on the best bands to come out of the region in the past year. As usual, there’s an abundance of talent across a wide spectrum of genres — we really do live in one of the best musical cities in the world. So much so that even the savviest local scenester would have trouble keeping up with all of the music put out this year. Read the rest

‘The Wire’ Creator David Simon Obliterates Media Hypocrisy In Petraeus Scandal

And you thought the most brutal takedown of the week arrived in the pages of the New York Times. That was small potatoes — small, impotent, moldy potatoes — compared to the pantsting Roger Simon of Politico received from The Wire and Treme creator, David Simon in this piece “Stray penises and politicos“, which serves as a reminder, in case the long list of institutions and colleagues who have aggrieved his fiery sense of justice over the years haven’t gotten the point across yet, that the country’s most insightful scold is not someone you want to cross. Read the rest.

Check Out Wild Belle’s Sexy (?) New Pedo-Wave Video ‘Keep You’

Apparently noticing how well that whole age play thing has worked for her, Chicago brother and sister duo Wild Belle are pulling a reverse Lana Del Rey in their new video for the song “Keep You.” The pining dancehall track, and its video, set in Kingston, Jamaica, is about “unrequited love,” director Melina Matsoukas told Rolling Stone, “and how with age, we don’t necessarily mature.” Read the rest.

No Fair, Rhye’s ‘The Fall’ Gets Another Heartbreaking Video Treatment

It’s rare that a song gets one halfway watchable video made these days, never mind two beautiful and heartbreaking ones. Last month we wrote about the official video for Rhye’s “The Fall”, one of the more memorable and distinctive cuts we’ve seen all year. A new version flips the original’s story of love gone stale and imagined infidelity into one of undying love. I think. It’s a testament to the track’s versatility, a live version of the song in this case, that it fits either end of the cynic/romantic spectrum so well depending on the accompanying visuals. Here the song is set to old found footage of smiling, frolicking couples from decades past. Read the rest.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Boston Racist of the Week


Here's the best fan mail I got this week. I like the part where he doesn't even know that he's racist. He does have one part right though, I am a giant pussy.

You really have a lot of balls writing about "racism in the city of Boston". You don't know squat about what's gone on in the city of Boston. You grew up in the cozy little suburb of Kingston. What's ironic about your description of the Pony Room aka Ups N Downs is how you continued to make your points about what a racist bar it was yet you went onto say that you only hung out downstairs and in typical liberal fashion you only published the racial remarks the whites made downstairs.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Hello There, Racists! is your new favorite Tumblr of the week



I've long held this controversial opinion that the country is overflowing with racist shitheads, like, if the country was a brown paper bag, there would be big baguettes of racism sticking out, and like, heads of racist lettuce spilling out of the top and then you bend over to pick it up and the bottom of the racist sack rips and now you've smashed your carton of racist eggs all over the racist ground. The problem is it's just really hard to find proud and out racists in the wild, since most people know that you don't go around sharing your racist opinions out loud. 

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

NYT Review of Guy Fieri’s Restaurant is the Guy Fieri Restaurant of Reviews



This New York Times review by Pete Wells that a dozen people are sharing in your feed right now about Guy Fieri’s new Times Square restaurant is the Guy Fieri restaurant of reviews. It’s forced, ham-fisted, and obvious, I don’t want to finish anything it’s serving me, and I have no idea why it’s getting so much attention. Perhaps, like the Times Square locale of the restaurant in question, the only reason anyone is reading it is because they can find it on some well-trafficked real estate.
Did panic grip your soul as you stared into the whirling hypno wheel of the menu, where adjectives and nouns spin in a crazy vortex? When you saw the burger described as “Guy’s Pat LaFrieda custom blend, all-natural Creekstone Farm Black Angus beef patty, LTOP (lettuce, tomato, onion + pickle), SMC (super-melty-cheese) and a slathering of Donkey Sauce on garlic-buttered brioche,” did your mind touch the void for a minute?…
I’ve no illusions about this place being anything other than a depressing purgatory of cheese—both kinds—but a piece full of moderately humorous rhetorical question after moderately humorous rhetorical question hardly seems worth the hullabaloo. Couldn’t they have just used an impact font on a picture of Guy Fieri spiking a volleyball of ranch dressing at some bikini babes in a dune buggy that said SHITTY RESTAURANT IS SHITTY and saved some time? Read the rest at Bullett.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Wednesday night: I perform at Literary Death Match in Cambridge



The last literary thing I did was send off another check to Sallie Mae for that idiotic MFA program I shackled myself to for the rest of my life, but nonetheless I'll be 'performing' as part of Wednesday night at Club Oberon in Harvard Square. LDM is like a thing all around the world I'm told! Come see an IRL blog post read aloud in front of skeptical literary types! "What's the deal with books, am I right? More like boobs. No? Man it's hot in here. Anyone see that Kreayshawn video? How do I hashtag this microphone? *pulls collar* Uh, what if Hipster Runoff was trying to blog like Gawker? I think it would go a little something like this..."

Bearstronaut in Interview Mag + come see me present my nominee for best band of the year Tuesday night



are approaching on December 2, and you can vote now for your picks. My piece laying out my picks for the major categories will be out in the Globe later this week. In the meantime there have been some lead up events featuring some of the nominees, including this thing Tuesday night. I'll be joining my pals and colleagues Michael Marotta of the Phoenix and Jedd Gottlied of the Herald in introducing our picks for the year's best bands. My pick is Bearstronaut, who I have am unrelated feature on in Interview Magazine out today incidentally. Come down and look at me fidget on stage and say something inappropriate that bums everyone out, or watch the performances on the live stream here starting at 8 p.m.  

Discovery: Bearstronaut
 
No matter how much we grow to appreciate electronic dance music, it still doesn't change the fact that standing in a room watching someone fiddle with a laptop is kind of ridiculous. It's much more natural to watch someone fiddle with an actual keyboard, right? That's why the new prevalence of crossover bands that straddle the line between electronic and more traditional rock is such a welcome change. Bands like , who combine the euphoria of the club experience with the grounded humanity of a rock band.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Link Dump: Crystal Castles, America's most historic drink, Amanda Palmer, hipster rap, Jay Z and Coldplay + more

photo: Jesse Untracht-Oakner



Introducing Lil Reignbo & PHILyesPHIL, #InternetRap’s Funnest New Act

I’ve long been a fan of Saara Untracht-Oakner’s band You Can Be A Wesley. I wrote about them on here recently, describing them as “intricately looping guitar indie with hooks to burn that harkens back to the glory days of Boston college rock and makes you want to fall in love at a shitty basement party.” So when Saara sent me the first video, “Do Or Die,” from her brand new NYC/LA bi-coastal electro-hip-hop/surf bum/millennial-core duo Lil Reignbo & PHILyesPHIL, I was a little taken aback. What is this Kreayshawn-wave hipster bullshit, I thought? I better listen to it twenty times in a row and figure it out. Read the rest.


I reviewed the new Crystal Castles in Alternative Press

Oppression, injustice, suffering—they all seem typical subject matter for a group whose sound has always been rooted in the paranoid apocalyptic. On their third full-length, Canadian duo Crystal Castles have drank deeper still from the well of discontent, resulting in 12 tracks that paint an even bleaker picture than their heretofore already grim worldview. Read the rest

Drink a big tall glass of history with Laird's Bonded Applejack

Every culture has its traditional alcoholic beverage of choice, but it has little to do with taste. For the vast majority of recorded history, people simply drank what they had on hand; whatever crops were in abundance where they happened to live found their way into the still. For Colonial-era and early American settlers, that crop was apples.

How Capitalism in the music biz works, or why everything is awful



Think about any piece of shit commercial numbers-crunching product you’ve ever distended your external content-stomach forth to consume, secreting a mixture of acidic bile and passive capitalist taste-receptors, and you’ll notice a distinct pattern. The thinking goes, amidst the people who hate creativity and worship money, anyway, that you idiots won’t buy anything unless your own specific demographic happens to be represented within a statistically significant percentage of the product’s run time. That holds for movies, a horror movie, say, where some ham-dicked rapper is tossed in over his depth to draw in the “urban” crowd, to TV shows, where a teen romance is skin-grafted on to the plot of some mythology-dense apocalyptic drama or other to pull in the younger crowd, to music, where collaborations and cross-over gambits are designed to bamboozle as many different types of people as possible at once to maximize profits. It might sound obvious, but this is, literally speaking, the reason why everything is awful. Political campaigns are beholden to this middling-milquetoasting too, as are chain restaurants with pages-long menus designed to have “a little something for everybody.” The problem is, when you aim to please everyone, you end up pleasing, well, a pretty good chunk of everyone; everyone is pretty dumb.

This sort of thing has been going on in music forever, pop rap and pop proper, in particular. Why do you think big name acts work together so frequently on contemporary releases? Because they’ve “been a big fan of Johnny Shitburger for a long time and have been dying to work with him”, or whatever soundbite pisses its way, gallstone-like, down the PR pipe into our gaping mouths? No, it’s the same reason that Mitt Romney makes sure he has his sausage fingers in as many different failing companies at once: diversifying the portfolio. When you spread out the burden of returns with as wide a net as possible, you risk alienating either poll of your intended audience, but you balance for those losses by planting as many flags in the consumption camps of varied personal consumer brands as possible. Read the rest at Bullett.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Dirty tactics, disdain for the media, an over-reliance on white guys, and no longer the best. Is Bill Belichick the NFL's Karl Rove?




In the wake of their stunning defeat this week, talk has turned to the failure of one of the principle architects of the right's game plan, Karl Rove. in particular stood out to me, positing that Rove may not be the smartest guy in the room anymore. 
Eight years ago, Karl Rove was on the top of the political world. He had guided George W. Bush to a reelection victory while congressional Republicans picked up four Senate seats and solidified their House majority.

His dream of a permanent, or at least durable Republican majority in the country seemed at hand.  He was the unquestioned top dog in the Republican strategist world and even Democrats who loathed him acknowledged that he was devastatingly effective.

Times change.
The framing of the piece reminded me of another pig-headed, bullish, arrogant blow hard with an eminently punchable face, albeit my own beloved pig-headed, bullish, arrogant blowhard with an eminently punchable face: Bill Belichick, the coach of the New England Patriots. 

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Lil Debbie finally chimes in on election with new video "Michelle Obama"



Forget whatever it was I was saying about the election in that last post, because we've got Lil Debbie weighing in on the state of the union, and it feels kind of disrespectful to speak up while she's talking. Now if only I had any fucking idea what it was she was talking about when she says "Presidential tint. Michelle Obama." 

Yes, this is the time for gloating and rubbing it in


In the wake of the election you've probably seen multiple variations on the idea that it's now time to put aside partisan bickering and "come together," be it from friends on your social media feeds, or from politicians of both the losing, and winning side. Winners like Senator-elect Tim Kaine of Virginia, to pick one of many, who said something to the effect that "voters sent a message to Washington demanding 'cooperative government.'" Elsewhere grumpy scolds have been reminding us that "no one likes a poor sport" or a "gloating winner." To which I say: that sounds like a loser talking. 

An election like this isn't something so frivolous as a baseball game, sportsmanship metaphors don't cut it here. The opponents weren't trying to score points on us in the playing field, they were literally trying to rob millions of us of our civil liberties, move the burden of taxation even further from the wealthy to the people who can afford it the least, and reframe the concept of women's ownership over their own bodies, and they conducted a systematic campaign to disenfranchise millions of poor and minority voters.  Hoho, well played old chums. Nearly bested us with that sporting joust! 

As Slate points out, there was a war on women, and women won. Same sex marriage was approved at the ballot for the first time in a number of states. Hawaii sent the first Asian American woman to the Senate ever, Wisconsin the first openly gay Senator. From labor issues, to tax issues, to war on drug issues, progressive ballot initiatives won resoundingly throughout the country. 

As the Atlantic points out, The Tea Party's National Ambitions Are Finished.
It's not just that Mitt Romney lost, as did several Republican Senate candidates who should have won easily. The election was a victory for all kinds of big city liberal values: Weed was legalized. So was gay marriage. The rape apologist candidates lost. The first openly gay woman was elected to the Senate. The first black president was reelected -- on a platform of Obamacare, immigration, and raising taxes.
For this we should be ecstatic, not accommodating.

I saw a colleague of mine tweet something to the effect that it was hard to not to feel for Romney  since he's been working toward this for so many years. No it's not. All sorts of horrible people work toward all sorts of dastardly shit really hard all the time. Pretending to feel for them today is disingenuous.  

False sportsmanship in the face of a win like this is a tacit admission that this was a reasonable discourse of worthy ideas from either side. It's the type of false equivalency horseshit that the mainstream media engages in so often.  Just because one group of backwards people wanted something to be true really really badly doesn't mean we have to give any sort of credence to their racist, sexist, money-worshiping pig ideas now that we've scored a resounding victory. 

That is the fatal flaw of the pushover progressive mindset. There is no working together when you're ahead. Working together is for losers. You put your foot on the opponents neck when they are down and you crush the wind out of them. This isn't a jovial sporting match where we're all going to be friends afterwards and meet again on a level playing field, it's actual life and death consequences. The conservative, past-glorifying, money-fetishistic, white-male dominated faction of the country is on the way out. As demographics move further and further away from that old model in future years to come, it's even more important that we recognize that we didn't just beat the old guard at their game, we're changing the rules.

But fine, if I'm forced to at least say something positive about the other side, I will say this: good job at losing, losers. You lost this one real good. 

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

‘Wreck-It Ralph’ Smashes Record for Laziest Headline Writing in History



There are a lot of unwritten rules in the world of media and journalism, but the most important one is that readers are fucking stupid. I didn’t make it up, I don’t believe it (necessarily), I’m just explaining to you how things work. That means that in order to get these rubes to choke down their news medicine like a haggard dog with tapeworm, you’ve got to wrap it in bacon or peanut butter and trick them into swallowing, even when it’s about something they’re interested in for some amazing reason, like who won the weekend’s box office receipts. The quickest and most effective way to do this is with an eye-catching headline. Headlines are like the face of the news story’s body, which, like most of the stupid faces you see floating around out there in the world, means you often want to smash them into a pulp. Maybe that’s just me?

Saturday, November 3, 2012

What does Obama have to do to win over "special interest" group white men? Chris Rock has a suggestion


Around election time people often talk about "special interest" groups voting for "one of their own." Those people are known as racists, and you can find all sorts of them all over the media. Go turn on your TV or radio right now. There's one!

For every person you see pointing out that Obama got 95% of the black vote in 2008, you might counter with this: Al Gore got 90% in 2000. Even John Kerry got 88% in 2004. John wind-surfing-ass Kerry. That's better than even Bill Clinton, "the first black president" (which, by the way, what was that whole thing about?) got 83% back in 1992, and the country was even more racist back then than it is now, if you young people can believe that.

People can argue about whether or not black voters are aligned in a bloc behind Obama because of his race, sure, and then you can tell them that they're a racist piece of shit and go do something better with your day.  

But even if you did allow for that line of thinking, they're not even the most illogically racially-motivated identity group in this coming election, as Tom Scocca points out in this piece on Slate. That would be white men. "White people—white men in particular—are for Mitt Romney. White men are supporting Mitt Romney to the exclusion of logic or common sense, in defiance of normal Americans. Without this narrow, tribal appeal, Romney's candidacy would simply not be viable. Most kinds of Americans see no reason to vote for him."

Thursday, November 1, 2012

The single most ridiculous inclusion of the word hipster into a news story you will ever see


Stretching the already paper-thin conceit that jamming the word "hipster" into your headline will drive page views to its excruciatingly embarrassing conclusion, a Reuters article today about a gas shortage in Brooklyn in the wake of the hurricane has brought the concepts of both hipsters, and news reporting in general, to their internetty nadir.

In hipster Brooklyn, a fuel terminal padlocked as drivers steam trumpets the headline, which I'm still not entirely sure is real -- Checking website hold on... Reuters.com... that's the thing, right? Jesus, Reuters?  The trusty, reliable staid old impartial news service? -- over a picture of, sure enough, the padlocked terminal in question. Nowhere in sight, however, are hipsters, or anything even remotely associated with them. That doesn't stop them from trying to shoehorn the neighborhood's vaunted hipness into the piece for no reason anyone, including the reporters, editors, or readers, will likely ever fully comprehend. 

I wonder how many conservative Sandy victims are refusing federal goverment aid right now?

via


Hey New York and New Jersey conservatives. You know how helpless you feel right now? Like you just need someone to come give you a hand up out of the shit water, make sure you've got your power back on, and just help you get over the hump in general now that you're down? Millions of other not-you people feel that way all the time. Weird how that works. 

As Matt Taibbi points out in this piece in Rolling Stone today Hurricane Sandy and the Myth of the Big Government-vs.-Small-Government Debate, in which he calls bullshit on all the  "small government" cry babies who look down out the weak for accepting help when they need it, they're not so quick to turn it down themselves when they fall on hard times.  "In the abstract, most Americans want a smaller and less intrusive government. In reality, what Americans really want is a government that spends less money on other people." 

Sandy has brought this hypocrisy into stark relief.
Hurricane Sandy is a perfect, microcosmic example of America's attitude toward government. We have millions of people who, most of the year, are ready to bash anyone who accepts government aid as a parasitic welfare queen, but the instant the water level rises a few feet too high in their own neighborhoods, those same folks transform into little Roosevelts, full of plaudits for the benefits of a strong state.
And lest you think this is a poor time to be "politicizing" the tragedy, I think the New Yorker's Amy Davidson makes a brilliant point in response to that nonsense in this piece here, writing "Refusing to have a political conversation about climate change now is akin to the insistence that the aftermath of a mass shooting is somehow an improper moment to talk about America’s gun laws."

Jerome LOL’s Brilliant Edit of Rihanna’s ‘Diamonds’ Is the Epitome of Contemporary Music Culture



I already don’t remember what it was I was so excited about with those other songs and mixes I posted about earlier this week, because this edit of Rihanna’s “Diamonds” by Jerome LOL is the only thing I want to listen to now. I fell asleep to it on repeat last night before bed feeling lonely and disconnected, and it was the first thing I wanted to hear when I woke up. Will I like it tomorrow? Who knows. Does that matter? I don’t think so.

There’s probably a lesson in there about the disposable nature of an overabundance of music in the contemporary internet assembly line, but I’m not even sure that model has to be received as a negative thing any more. Who says that your relationship with a song has to be everlasting? Can’t we meet songs, or people for that matter, and throw ourselves fully into their gravitational orbit for a few fleeting moments in time, maybe a day, maybe a few weeks, and then move on to the next one and start the process all over again? (I went through a similar cycle with a while back in a week-long surge of infatuation).

Thought Catalog On the Real Meaning of #Sandy



Vast swaths of New York City and New Jersey are ruined. Millions of people are without power, and the structural damage is staggering. What does it all mean to us on a personal level as kewt 20-something though? And is there a way we can harness this storm to augment our own personal brands? Any, say, pointless navel gazing that we can do to make sure we find the twee angle in the rising deluge of shit water outside our front door? What about making out, can we still make out, or is that illegal now?

Of course we can do all of that if you ask the internet’s first draft recycle bin, Thought Catalog, who have put in the leg work to sort out what all of this hurricane business actually means in Why We Love Storms.
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