It's summer again, so that means you hapless style craters are gonna need to be reminded how to behave without embarrassing your father and I. Here's a few from the vault for our awesome annual On the List Summer Planner Thingy.
I'm sure the beach in New Zealand or whatever is nice. Minus the giant sharks and New Zealanders, I mean. But people who go to the beach in the Northeast are just kidding themselves. Are people really into skiing and riding snowmobiles in the Caribbean? Do they talk about hitting the slopes all day long? Same idea here. Why not pack a cooler and bring a shitty airport novel to the surface of the moon?
I'm sure the beach in New Zealand or whatever is nice. Minus the giant sharks and New Zealanders, I mean. But people who go to the beach in the Northeast are just kidding themselves. Are people really into skiing and riding snowmobiles in the Caribbean? Do they talk about hitting the slopes all day long? Same idea here. Why not pack a cooler and bring a shitty airport novel to the surface of the moon?
The fake beach is fine. The one where you slam a couple Coors Light tall boys together and all of a sudden your boss is wearing a bikini and your bros are spiking volleyballs at each other and Sammy Haggar is high fiving Jimmy Buffet. That sounds like a party!
The real beach? Miles of roasted dirt and rocks, swarms of giant mutant flies, brat kids and sunburnt townies or rich pricks all colluding on a big giant lie.
Then you get to walk around the rest of the day with sand in your pants. Nothing quite as relaxing as chafed scrotum.
At least you can go for a dip though, right? Gonna be real refreshing, right? Little dip. Just flopping around in the water. Couple laughs. Maybe toss the old frisbee around? Better bring a submarine or a space suit, cause otherwise you're not surviving in that sub zero arctic habitat for more than two seconds.
What a great day at the beach. Next weekend let's go chill out in the rain forest all day and fight snakes.
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7 comments:
ha. behind this one in spirit.
Behind this one 100% in reality!
anyone here ever actually fight a snake?
this guy in my buddy's band kicked ones ass once.
really? what the?
Fought a snake once, had to throw it over a fence & run the other way. Thing kept coming at me. Terrifying.
if anyone i know has it would be you.
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