When you're douching on something that has no impact on your actual life, it's always important to consider risk versus return. In other words, you should ask yourself how this awesome joke rant is going to make you look after you fire it off into the world, and whether or not it's going to end up coming back onto you like some sort of douche boomerang. A doucherang, if you will.
For example, if you're one of these tree-trunk-pegged fat guys in cargo shorts and a giant chicken skin belly talking shit about the WNBA, you're really coming out as a sexist jock who hates women. Why? Because you have absolutely nothing to gain by shitting on an institution of little power, populated entirely by women. You are asserting yourself, quite literally, as The Man. There is nothing worse in the world than The Man, I shouldn't have to tell you this. What is the expected answer here, "You're right bro, men are stronger and faster than women, and by pointing this out you've also revealed how much smarter they are too!"? I know we all want to force our women to sit there next to us on the couch and play out our homoerotic hero worship rituals when Brady is tossing one deep for six to facking Welker kid, but the least we can do is not go out of our way to belittle the minority of people who actually enjoy watching people with vaginas do the same shit. (Slightly slower). ((Just kidding.))
My man Fartmall put it this way: "There's ample opportunity to be sexist about a million everyday, unavoidable things without dudes having to stay inside on a Sunday, find whatever channel it's playing on, and bitch about it."
You realize like ten years ago in this country women were considered militant nazi dykes if they didn't want to spend their lives shitting out brats and earning 2/3 of a man's salary. So now we have a big league where the best athletes in the game get to play for other people who are interested in watching a ball get pushed into a hole by slightly smaller hands. I'd call that progress. Not that I'm ever gonna watch it, mind you. That shit is boring as fuck. These broads can't even dunk.
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7 comments:
hippy
WNBA sucks and women belong in the kitchen RIGHT?
What kind of stores are in a fartmall? I'm imagining it being a mall only with Spencers gifts. Maybe a Cinnabon.
What kind of stores are in a fartmall? I'm imagining it being a mall only with Spencers gifts. Maybe a Cinnabon.
Speaking of "When you're douching on something that has no impact on your actual life": Being a "sports fan".
Kind of
http://putthatshitonthelist.blogspot.com/2009/07/caring-about-sports-too-much.html
http://putthatshitonthelist.blogspot.com/2009/09/not-liking-football.html
Sports are awesome. Also ridiculous.
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