Friday, November 6, 2009

Black Belt in Chopsticks


Not knowing how to use chopsticks at least a little at this point in your life is embarrassing. Then again, if you've ever had the misfortune to come across the alien hieroglyphics that pass for most Americans' handwriting these days it's not exactly a surprise that we're lagging in our digital motor skills. Hands are pretty much for smashing emoticons into keyboards, holding cigarettes in front of our faces and wiping cheese off our jaw at this point.

But even worse than that is wielding chop sticks with an air of accomplishment and making sure everyone at the table sees you in action. John fucking Bonham over there doing stick twirls and shit. It's not really that commendable of a skill. Ten billion Chinese people do it every day. You haven't mastered the cello, just spent ten minutes squeezing wood between your fingers in just the right way.*

Your sensitivity to multiculturalism is commendable though. You a full professor of stuffing rice in your mouth yet, or just an instructor?




* he he

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11 comments:

Begbie said...

Marc Johnson thinks he's Johnny Hannahsticks.

Anonymous said...

drinking out of cups

bryan mcelroy who posted the tits pic on the turd said...

* he he

that bit got me!

said...

Chopsticks are the right tool for about 60% of asian food, and completely inappropriate for the other 40%

Anonymous said...

Whoever decided chopsticks were well suited for eating rice was a little off on that one.

said...

Right? You'd think 4 billion people known for being clever and making little cute things would have figured out how make a little plateside rice shovel at some point.

said...

Plateside Rice Shovel
Brian Macelroy (Solo Electric)
John Bonham Tribute
Ten Billion Chinese People

Monday, F:30 pm
nnnh$, 13+
Turd Lounge

said...

^ My bit

said...

BULLSHIT!

said...

When you consider how much time they spend making the rice, it makes sense they want to take their time eating it.

said...

I wouldn't consider that normally.

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