Over here in the fantasy liberal land where I live we're not exactly fans of -- what do you call it? -- oh, right, blowing up other people in giant fireballs of destruction. But I know that serving in the military is a hard job, and I certainly couldn't do it. I couldn't even last eight hours in an office cubicle, never mind months in the desert or whatever. The mere thought of having to go out to a bar and socialize with people renders me a quivering mess of anxiety. 95% of veterans are the type of people who could eat little shits like me for breakfast then punch that breakfast in the face. My back hurts if I haven't had Starbucks in the last three hours. So, nice one, soldiers, protecting us from the evil doers and dragons that are perpetually poised to fall upon American soil and steal our women and money and our women's money.
But it's important to take a moment on a day like this to remember the real heroes. No, not the hard asses doing a tough job that probably isn't ideal. I'm talking about the brave men and women who go the extra mile. The ones who affix stickers to their cars, and stick little novelty American flags all over every square inch of their shit. The people who want everyone else to know very, very much how hard they support the troops. Bravo, sirs and madames. You're like these dudes you see walking around in pro sports jerseys, except the team you support is fucking America, land of the free, home to tons of kickass eagles and jets that fly over car races. You are the real patriots here, because the idea that your team could lose doesn't just seem unlikely, it has never even occurred to you. There's nothing more American than that.
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11 comments:
0fer since 1945
Yeah, but hating the American military cause they haven't won a war in a while is like being from Chicago and hating the Cubs or something.
what about being from chicago and hating freedom and white people?
What about hating Chicago?
don't make jim belushi come over there
Hey I'm just trying to make a sports metaphor* here, cut me a break
* also on the list
Probably best for your to stick to cymbal and snare metaphors is it not the case?
desert
I would love to spend months in the dessert.
I want an America football jersey with UNCLE SAM written across the back. Number one, of course.
much like jesse ventura in predator, my list entries aint got time to bleed. by which i mean be spelled correctly.
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