Saturday, December 5, 2009

Neck Bush


The way things are going with cell phone cameras and the face-books and the video games that the kids like these days with the bippin and the boppin, it's probably only a matter of time before literally every single person you know is going to be caught fucking or naked on the internet. We're all potential porn stars at this point. That doesn't mean the thing where we remove every last stray hair from our bodies like a bunch of pink hairless apes isn't a bit much. God wouldn't have given men thatches of fur on their shoulders and knees if he didn't have a divine plan for it.

That being said, dudes need to regulate the border between the dark territory of their furry orangutan backs and the spot where the hair on their heads end. I see way too many of these guys walking around with giant, unruly neck bushes. Dude, I can't tell if you're just walking away from me or you're going down on a Sasquatch's pussy in the seventies.

The line of demarcation is key. Humans need boundaries to give order to our lives. It's how we keep terrorists from strolling into North Dakota and our girlfriends from playing in our fantasy football leagues.

Think of your head and neck as America, and your comically outmoded, stylistically backwards back as Canada. Separate but equal. That shit's enshrined in the Constitution right next to machine guns and the bit about god hating fags. You think the dudes who wrote that were walking around with their spine pubes flapping in the breeze? They were not. Except Gouverneur Morris, who represented Pennsylvania at the Convention in Philadelphia in 1787. That dude was kind of a pervert.

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5 comments:

humperdinck said...

Apparently no one else finds this shit oppressive.

simian fireman said...

meh

said...

:|

Anonymous said...

:*=

said...

zoooooooof

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