This morning my girlfriend told me that she heard from her co-worker that Tiger Woods is having an affair with Sandra Bullock's ex-boyfriend. This monumental development in the lives of two people I've never met upset me so much that I...attempted to carry on with my daily routine.
So, I strapped on my shoes, checked my hungover hair in the mirror, and walked to my local coffee shop to flirt with the young birds with tattoos whose names I'll never remember. I mean, I walked to my local coffee shop to procure my favorite brand of orange mango pineapple juice.
While standing in line, an individual who claimed to know me (I'm inclined to trust him as knew my name), informed me that Kobe Bryant and Beyonce had just stolen a helicopter and were attempting to kill all the dragons in Colorado.
That came as a surprise.
I mean, if I were a dragon I'd certainly live some place more exciting than Colorado.
"None of my business", I thought as I tapped my foot nervously and prayed that the vegan in front of me would hurry up and decide which tasteless muffin she wanted to pretend to enjoy.
Apparently, all of this shit IS my business. The fact that I don't know who the girl from Lost (never seen it) is dating makes me a social leper. Not subscribing to People and US magazine is on par with being a pedophile, as it renders one incapable of blending in with the masses.
Perhaps (almost certainly) I'm a bad person, but I have a hard time keeping up with the ins and outs of the lives of my closest friends. I certainly don't have the patience to listen to a probably well-meaning idiot parrot the latest headline about some famous jerk's latest non-crisis.
So, I strapped on my shoes, checked my hungover hair in the mirror, and walked to my local coffee shop to flirt with the young birds with tattoos whose names I'll never remember. I mean, I walked to my local coffee shop to procure my favorite brand of orange mango pineapple juice.
While standing in line, an individual who claimed to know me (I'm inclined to trust him as knew my name), informed me that Kobe Bryant and Beyonce had just stolen a helicopter and were attempting to kill all the dragons in Colorado.
That came as a surprise.
I mean, if I were a dragon I'd certainly live some place more exciting than Colorado.
"None of my business", I thought as I tapped my foot nervously and prayed that the vegan in front of me would hurry up and decide which tasteless muffin she wanted to pretend to enjoy.
Apparently, all of this shit IS my business. The fact that I don't know who the girl from Lost (never seen it) is dating makes me a social leper. Not subscribing to People and US magazine is on par with being a pedophile, as it renders one incapable of blending in with the masses.
Perhaps (almost certainly) I'm a bad person, but I have a hard time keeping up with the ins and outs of the lives of my closest friends. I certainly don't have the patience to listen to a probably well-meaning idiot parrot the latest headline about some famous jerk's latest non-crisis.
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4 comments:
http://www.lewrockwell.com/shaffer/shaffer19.html
This little article pretty much sums up what you are talking about...
Alright smart guy, who else am I supposed to care about? My friends?
Well, first you can start by caring about those hot little chicks serving you juice. At least they have some bearing on your life. Especially if you're a single male and have at least a rudimentary understanding of male-female social dynamics. We all know that chicks that are tatted up put out.
Girls are on the list.
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