To anyone outside the mosh-pit-at-Warped-Tour / first-pube-cycle demographic, this shit should be obvious, but using a skateboard for anything other than jumping over your ten year old little brother or kick-flipping your way to a billion dollars in Vans blood money is strictly verboten. I only bring this up because I've see like, well, three adults using a skateboard as a mode of conveyance in the past few days, and everyone knows three is a trend. That's journalism school 101. See, my $60,000 I'll be paying off for the rest of my life wasn't a waste.
Everyone also knows that listicles are awesome. Mostly because they're a good way for lazy writers to make shit up on the fly in order to get bored people at work to pay attention to them. So, with that in mind, here is a list of the ALL TIME BEST more efficient, less-energy-consuming ways to get around as an adult without using a skateboard:
1) Walking.
2) Walking on crutches.
3) Rolling. Like literally rolling as if you were pushed off the top of a steep hill. That kind of rolling.
4) Just standing there and waiting.
5) Unicycle.
P.S. you guys: Do not do an image search for "adult babies" unless you're ready to get fired and/or get a giant fucking shame boner.
P.S.x2: None of this applies to that dude in the picture, who I found by searching for "bad ass Japanese dude who owns my shit."
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8 comments:
You ever seen how sweaty one of these cunts that ride their skateboard to the bar/work get? How is this saving your energy or time?
I'm gonna take my ball and go home.
Goddammit, you fucking freeloaders need to start commenting more. It's like playing a show that everyone comes to but no one claps at.
In my day we called a shame boner, a 'groaner'. you're welcome.
In my day, which is right now, a groaner is something entirely different.
I saw a 50-year-old man whizzing down the street in Watertown on a skateboard this past weekend
So I said "Hey Luke, slow down!"
heh. I haven't gotten on a skateboard since I used to hang out in the Toys R Us parking lot in 94.
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