After a couple weeks off, Jake Zavracky returns to writing about the top of the pops this week:
Despite the public outcry, I've stopped doing weekly updates on the Top 10 here at PTSOTL, mostly because it hardly ever fucking changes. After one writes about Bruno Mars' "Locked Out of Heaven" eleven times, for example, one begins to run out of things to write about it.
10. Lil Wayne, Drake, Future - "Love Me"
This song is surely a signal of the end of America, and, since Drake is Canadian, Canada. Although an argument could be made that these gentleman are just verbalizing the things in many a man's mind, it's hard to be sympathetic to any plights they may have when they are comparing their girlfriend's undercarriages to meteor sized cavities in the ground.
9. Bruno Mars - "Locked Out of Heaven"
I want to have a word with the guy that hasn't heard this song enough.
8. Justin Timberlake feat. Jay Z - "Suit and Tie"
Good tune here, but Jay Z's rap is pointless and comes off as more of a marketing tool than an artistic effort, and, on top of that, the beat changes to accomodate his pointless rap which disrupts the whole flow of the song, which had probably overstayed its welcome in the first place.
7. Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko - "Stay"
Bulletin for all the songwriters of the world: this is officially the last song that will be allowed to have the lyric "around and around" repeated over two alternating notes.
6. Drake - "Started from the Bottom"
Mike Zombie's (no relation to Rob) production on "Started from the Bottom" is stellar. Says Drake in the hook "Started from the bottom, now we're here", which never explicitly implies that "here" is any better than the bottom, which fits perfectly with the murky melancholy of the production.
5. will.i.am feat. Britney Spears "Scream and Shout"
will.i.am unleashes a torrent of unbelievably boneheaded, generic, color-by-numbers lyrics in this song, which is quite possibly one of the worst songs ever to enter the top five. Britney Spears equals her cohort's effort level, singing in a monotone psuedo British accent: "When you hear this in the club, you're gonna turn this shit up". Apparently it never occurred to the brain trust that brought you this song that that doesn't make any sense, since club-goers don't usually have access to some sort of communal volume knob that would allow them to carry out such an action.
4. Taylor Swift - "I Knew You Were Trouble"
You know, it's okay to demand more America. You don't need to keep doing this thing where you pick the worst song an artist has ever come up with to make into the song that won't go away. You're really doing all of us a disservice because you're encouraging even really good artists to collaborate with Shellback and write shitty songs even if they don't want to.
3. Bruno Mars "When I Was Your Man"
Bruno sings his ass off on this piano ballad which is enough reason to listen to it once but not enough reason to listen to it again.
2. Macklemore feat. Ryan Lewis "Thrift Shop"
Macklemore was on SNL the other night. He seemed to have pretty good stage presence, but I couldn't understand what he was saying even though I already knew the words, and he seemed to lack impact as an MC. He may end up a one hit wonder but if "Thrift Shop" is your one hit as a one hit wonder, you're pretty high up on the one hit wonder charts.
1. Baaueer - "Harlem Shake"
If you think it's weird that this song somehow abruptly became number one, here's how that happened: a few weeks ago Billboard expanded their criteria into what makes it into the Hot 100 to include YouTube views. "Harlem Shake" which was released almost a year ago, has been a YouTube sensation since February, due to these stupid group dance videos that you can go look on YouTube yourself so I don't have to vomit in my mouth trying to explain them to you.
-JAKE ZAVRACKY
-JAKE ZAVRACKY
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1 comment:
The will.i.am/Britney collabo is the WORST. I actually kind of like "Harlem Shake" divorced from the meme. Interested in seeing what happens to Mikky Ekko. His other tracks that I have heard don't pack much punch, but his label is probably saving the hits for the album...
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