SXSW is in full-swing this week down in Austin, and that means a constant blast of updates in your news feed from your friends and colleagues maxing out their annual diarrhea expense accounts. Many publications are eager to tell you the best ways to enjoy your time at the festival. All of those people are lying to you. Here's some advice on how to do SXSW like a grizzled old man.
1) Don't go.
2) OK, fine, go if you must, but ask yourself this first: Are you 22 years old? You are not. You are an adult person who doesn't have the stomach/knees/attention span to see more than three bands in a day, never mind 15-20. You can see three great bands tonight in your very own city, and it'll be a lot cheaper to get a cab back home to your own apartment afterwards without swimming upstream against a churning stew of spawning-ground-bound mackerel in cut off jorts and flourescent tank tops.
3) Over do it the first night you're there. Stay up all night drinking and partying, that way your body will provide you a natural excuse to skip out on all the outdoor mid-day showcases headlined by the sun with a special DJ set by your charred skin that you didn't really want to go to anyway tomorrow.
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1 comment:
This grizzled old man is starting to grind his teeth every time SXSW is referred to as "South by" on AXS tv.
Regardless, try to keep the drunk sunburns to a minimum and take about 20 B12 pills a day.
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