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Justin Glawe doesn't want to hear about your dreamy love story, wedding nerds.
I realize I'm not the first person to find an incredibly awful "our wedding" website thing with an equally terrible registry list, but that should not prevent me from a good, old-fashioned ranty rant.
I just find something mind-numbingly upsetting about two people who, in their "about us" section, write "we say we met in college..." then go on to describe how they actually met in college, followed by the fact that they've had "an amazing few years of vacations around the world, learning all about each other's good and bad habits and cheering on our Reds and Cubbies." Perhaps that money spent on globe-trotting could have been better used to buy all the shit they're asking guests to purchase so they have the perfect, Martha Stewart kitchen/bedroom/living roomthey've she's always wanted.
I just find something mind-numbingly upsetting about two people who, in their "about us" section, write "we say we met in college..." then go on to describe how they actually met in college, followed by the fact that they've had "an amazing few years of vacations around the world, learning all about each other's good and bad habits and cheering on our Reds and Cubbies." Perhaps that money spent on globe-trotting could have been better used to buy all the shit they're asking guests to purchase so they have the perfect, Martha Stewart kitchen/bedroom/living room
Basically, their request boils down to this:
"Hi, I know we're already upper middle class white people with a fresh piece of paper from one of our country's fine collegiate institutions that says we're now ready to join the workforce because we played by the rules - and got ridiculously drunk, mostly we got ridiculously drunk - for the last four years, but despite all the societal chips stacked in our collective favor would you please be so kind as to look at our registry and purchase the 200-plus items you'll find there? Thanks."
Their wishlist is filled with completely reasonable requests like a Wusthof Classic Black 7" Hollow Ground Santoku Knife for the completely reasonable cost of $99.95 (suggested retail $140, ya know). Yes, I also want this super bad, but I would feel much better wielding such a fine instrument knowing my words paid for it. Then again, maybe that's all just because I'm poor and writerly.
Equally upsetting is the fact that nowhere in their descriptions of their relationship, engagement or proposal is anything remotely close to a deep, spiritual connection.
Nothing.
Here's a recap of the terrible, which includes two references to social media in the fairytale-esque story of the proposal.
The evening began with John bringing flowers to me at my house. I immediately took a picture and posted it on twitter with the caption "I love getting flowers for no reason!"...little did I know.
Flowers for no reason? How special... But wait a minute! We're a cute couple, aren't we?
I think Jenny will agree with me that getting engaged puts a birthday to shame in terms of texts, calls, and Facebook posts!
Imagine how many "likes" and comments the divorce post will get. People love divorces on Facebook.
Learn a little more about this wonderful couple.
In reality…we probably met a long time ago (but not in a galaxy far, far away). Over the last few years we have discovered that we have many mutual family friends, some of whom have told us that their “worlds collided” when they found out we were dating.
They know similar people! It was meant to be!
... there was something in the air because within a week, on 09/09/09, we were “officially” dating.
They started dating on 09/09/09! That's so special! There's probably only a few million other people who started dating on that date, or 10/10/10 or 11/11/11 or 12/12/12.
NUMBERS
We also both ran Cross Country in High School
What a rare sport to have both participated in! SOULMATES
It is pretty amazing that we didn’t get to know each other sooner…but that’s how the story goes!
What a shitty story. Thank god you're not writers.
--JUSTIN GLAWE
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5 comments:
Also, bridezillas are terrible: http://gawker.com/5948725/
everyone is terrible, in their defense.
True, that.
Ha ha. I like this guy. Let's hear more from him.
like to thank you for the 'complaining and 'everything is stupid tags. good shit, o'neil.
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