While we all had a good chuckle at the Boston Police Department's expense last week over their efforts to infiltrate the city's underground rock scene online, the indictments of 63 members of three rival gangs in New York City a few days later illustrated just why the monitoring of social media use has actually become such an effective law enforcement tool. In this case, the crimes were a bit more serious than hosting illegal rock shows, including such decidedly non-hilarious crimes as murder, attempted murder, attempted gang assault, and others resulting in 3 deaths, and over 30 shootings. But that doesn't mean this story doesn't have its own set of buffoons; this time it was the suspected criminals themselves doing the goofy impression, except what they were impersonating were people who want to be in jail.
As the city's police commissioner explained, according to the Manhattan District Attorney press release on the indictments, “Social media remains a double-edged sword in our crime fighting strategies. It is used by crew members to brag about past crimes, taunt rivals, and incite violence. On the other hand, we use social media to document past crimes and intercept new ones being talked about openly by crew members on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube.”
In others words, and this probably can't be stressed enough times for any aspiring criminals out there: stop talking about your dirt online. Or, at the very least, come up with a tougher to crack code than these gang members apparently did. Unlike in fiction, The Wire, say, where it might take police months of painstaking labor to translate what suspects are actually talking about, a glossary of terms used by these three gangs on social media reads like it was pulled from Criminal Conspiracy For Dummies. As the DA's office points out: “the defendants used hundreds of Facebook and Twitter posts and direct messages, text messages, cell phone videos, and calls made from Rikers Correctional Facility to plot the deaths of rival gang members. Gang members also used social media and prison phone calls to traffic firearms and ammunition, and to warn each other of potential law enforcement action.”
So how did they attempt to cover their tracks? Much like Eskimos are said to have 100 different words for snow, violent street gangs can say the same of the most important tool, and impediment, at their disposal: guns.
Guns show up in the indictment as a “clickety”, a “grip”, “instrument”, “little piece of metal”, and a “utensil”, among many others. Bonus points for “sandwich”, however, since that one is pretty inscrutable. “I walked over their and put a sandwich in that motherfucker's mouth” might not raise any red flags.
Elsewhere on the gang's glossary, money, you may not be surprised to learn, especially if you've just stepped out of a movie from 30+ years ago, is referred to as “bread.”
Where do they get this stuff? Except, I mean, from the list of commonly accepted criminal slang terms that literally every culturally aware person in the country is familiar with.
The poetry of the street, filtered down to us through hip hop, has influenced the way a generation speaks more than any other cultural force, which is why it's so surprising to see such a lack of imagination at work here. Back in my day drug dealers and gangs used to put effort into their neologisms. The best these crooks could come up with, it seems, is a crude form of mad-libs. “I went over there, you know, and played the flute twice,” said one of the suspected gang members on a phone call from Rikers.
There's a certain musicality to that expression, I will admit, (pun intended), but the blatant incongruity in saying it on the phone from prison is an obvious giveaway. Everyone knows gang dudes are more into piccolo these days.
It pays to be more circumspect with your lingo is all I'm saying. Here's a handy hint for criminals out there: any time you use what seems like a non sequitur word in place of something in a sentence where it doesn't belong, police probably assume you're talking about 1) guns 2) drugs 3) guns used to steal drugs 4) drugs sold to get money to buy guns to protect yourself from people trying to steal your drugs. You'd be less suspicious if you started talking about how you “totally effing killed it” – at least that sounds like something a young person would actually say.
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My favourite names from the indictment: Breon Thrasher and Monday Colon.
I've got a case of the Monday colons myself here.
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Luke, If ever I was to go into crime, you are the only partner I'd take on. Probably should have put that into code.
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