So I was just paging through Maxim, having what I like to call a little Luke time -- So what? where else am I gonna find homo-erotically charged side boob airbrushing, wacky listicles and true crime stories rejected by GQ? -- when I came across something called the World Series of Beer Pong. So. Now we know that this exists.
Apparently it's a big deal competition held in Vegas. Come on dudes. Have we learned nothing from air guitar, Texas Hold 'Em and gang bangs? Once they start making that shit official with judges and tv cameras and what not it sucks absolutely all the fun out. Such a shame. Not really in this case though, because like most other people who aren't fucking morons I have never once played this ridiculous game in my life.
"For the next three days," it reads, "486 teams from 43 states and eight countries will compete for a $50,000 title and, more important, bragging-rights as the best beer pong team in the world." Which, by the way, if that sounds like something you might ever see yourself taking any sort of pride in, get the fuck off my website right now.
There are a lot of reasons I've never played this game. Too many to list really, but I'd say it mostly has to do with having a modicum of self esteem, also not being the type of person who gets stoked about the idea of competitive drinking or one who has ever given a high five over a story about blacking out. And I had no friends in college, but that's a whole other thing.
"Depending on which surveys you read, anywhere from 50 to 80 percent of American college students play the game regularly. Bars from Ann Arbor (List) to Austin (List) are swapping billiards and dartboards for beer pong tables. Jimmy Fallon does beer pong bits on his show..."
Look, I don't ask for much God, but if there is any way you could fire a cruise missle into the middle of this pile of cargo shorts and beer sponge baseball caps next year, I'd be eternally thankful.
Actually, hold that thought. A tragedy like that would probably wipe out 85% of the country's dudes currently living life On the List and then where would that leave me? With nothing to complain about I suppose. Christ, that sounds miserable.
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4 comments:
ha, ripped many a game of turbo cups in college kehd. fucking catholic college, wtf did you do all 4 years? mission work? what a hew-mew.
Listened to Elliott Smith in my dorm room and masturbated to scrambled cable porn innit?
Played a few times, but too many fuckfaces were telling me my elbow was OVER THE LINE so I said faaaaaaaaaaaaack you
I swear. Ask Fitzy or Sully or Stevo or Pattie or the other Sully. My hands are clean.
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