This is an oldie, but still applies. Always good to be reminded of all the different ways you are making me feel insignificant, world. Also, no one read this in the first place anyway, so no harm, no foul.
Much like granddad and that haircut you've been rocking for the past twelve years, it's probably time to put this sad old workhorse to pasture kids. It's ok. No regrets. No. Regrets.
It had a pretty good run, all things considered. But it really hasn't meant what it's supposed to mean for a long time now. Sure, feudal lords in the 1400s put it to decent use what with that whole pervasive slavery and utter indifference to the suffering of their people thing. Knights too, I guess. Back when knights did shit like kill Moors so god would love them in Heaven. More recently, when Dickensian ballbusters needed a word to remind shifty little cutpurses and bootlicks just how insignificant they were it made a lot of sense. When people did insane shit like respect their elders and superiors in their career fields it made sense. But now it's an empty shell that tarnishes its own once proud reputation every time it rolls out there. Like Brett Favre, for example, or this blog.
You know who uses the word sir now? Cops. Doesn't matter what the situation. They could be trying to talk a naked spaz out of a tree and it's still gonna be "Come down from their, sir." Do you really think they intend any respect there? "I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the car while I search the trunk, sir." Oh, ok. Well at least he's being polite about it!
Who else? Broads named Tawnya who work for the cell phone company when they're explaining why your bill is four thousand dollars this month. Always quick with a sir, those fucking criminals.
Waitresses who can barely conceal their face burning hatred for your self-entitled demands? Sir you to death. Sir. Sir. Sir.
And these shit-hoofed southern zombies might shoot you in the gay face with their patriotic Jesus boner, but you can be darned sure they're gonna address you with the appropriate honorific title when they do it. Meaningless waste of time.
Who else? "Dear sir, we're writing to inform you we have yet to receive your student loan payment for the past seventeen months in a row." Motherfuckers. Die in a cancer fire. I am not worthy of your respect, nor do I seek it.
The word has simply been devalued by inappropriate use to the point of dilution. It's ironic in that sir now means the exact opposite of what it was intended to mean. It doesn't denote respect anymore, it denotes seething, barely restrained rage. And you can be pretty sure any time someone uses the word what they really mean to call you is asshole.
Let's try that out from now on, ok? "Dear asshole, where's our fucking money?" "License and registration, fuckwad." "We're just recooking your well done burger now, douche cunt. It will be right out." At the very least it's honest.
Thank you, Sirs, as always, for your time.
I remain, etc...
image (which is a painting by the way ho-lee shit)
brought to you by
8 comments:
i like that you capitalized Heaven and Moors but not god.
i do however, use the words sir and ma'am but you are right, i only sometimes mean it as a term of respect. you are also right that i might sometimes be barely concealing my burning hatred.
but i dont think we should devolve into a vernicular of curses and grunts though. (punctuation and uppercase letters have already fallen by the wayside) sometimes it is appropriate to curse and grunt yes, perhaps during a close patriots game or particularly zesty bout of sex but is that okay for regular life? is it really so terrible to try to hold on to terms of respect?
not to blow your dome piece back here urs, but i was exaggerating for comedic effect. obviously we shouldn't call eachother asshole all the time. but just don't pretend to respect me if you don't!
fuck you!
nice pic btw.
isn't it great? go look at the rest of those. on some link i don't feel like finding right now.
I like the force of deliberate writing that gets the real point across, and I won't sir you. db
'Sir' is amazing. My bank teller calls me sir, and he looks like that running back who would have beat me up for being a 'faggot' in Grade 9. And I make less than him. Yet he still gets to call me sir.
Thanks for the comment, jerk off. ;)
Post a Comment