Every now and again I like to go digging through the stat tracker for the List to see what sort of bored weirdos are looking my jokes in the face for one to one and half minutes at a stretch every day. By far the best part of that is seeing what sort of code red level perverts like you are searching for online that leads you to this sight. For example this guy at a public library in Oakland today who made the following google search:
"what to jerk off with in the library"
So, just to recap, our boy here in Oakland was in a library dead set on jerking off, but instead of just searching for something like, oh, I don't know, porn, he went with the stone cold literal approach. Can you imagine how disappointed he was when he clicked over to the List entry about jerking off in the library? What did he expect to find, a blueprint of the library with a big red arrow pointing at some broad's sweater hams?
I kind of wish I could put him in touch with this other guy from Köln, Nordrhein-westfalen, Germany who got here by searching for "Geschlecht in der Bibliothek." If I could bring just two lonely masturbators from across the globe together in sweat-fisted brotherhood I would consider my job here a success.
Let's see, bla bla bla, oh! Apparently dead fish handshake is the name of a band! People searching for them found our little time out corner of the internet. Check them out unless you're allergic to earnest butt rock.
What else? Someone in Bloemfontein, Free State, South Africa wants to know what a pr person does. Somehow I don't think our entry is really going to help much. Hold on though, think about that for a minute. First off, wanting to be a pr person. Secondly, knowing so little about a profession that you have to look it up online to figure out how to do it. It would break my heart a little if I didn't already harbor an inherent antipathy for those spooky bizarro world albinos they've got down there.
Alright, that's all for now. I've gotta go google "how to hate things and write jokes on the internet." Been meaning to figure that whole thing out for a while now.
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5 comments:
That tubs blue print thing is actually a pretty good idea. Someone get on that for an iphone app, thanks in advance.
nothing like a good library whackoff though, amiright?
depends.
on what?
Prolly time to put Google on the list, along with Germany and libraries
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