Saturday, September 22, 2012

America's Best Hipster Neighborhood List Mostly Accurate, Still Dumb

via

"Hipster' has always been tricky to define, partly because no one wants to admit to being one," says this summary of another site's content on the Huffington Post, which I am summarizing here for content in this post. "Nonetheless, let's keep trying, over and over and over again because we think you people are fucking idiots." 

"Sure, everyone knows that Portland and Brooklyn are hip cities," the post begins, setting a new record for quickest use of the "sure, but" construct, the second most pervasive internet cliche of our times besides listicles about hipsters -- although that's soon to overtaken by snarky dismissal reactions to cliche listicles about hipsters if I have anything to do with it --  "But not everyone knows about the hipster neighborhoods within those and other cities." 

Mind blown.


Not everyone, no, but noted trend-spotters Forbes are on the job. They've teamed up with some idiot thing or other called Nextdoor.com to compile for you, the arid, desert-like passive receptor of unfurnished conceptual framework, a list of the 10 hipsterist neighborhoods in the hipster cities of the hipster United States. Hipsters. 

The criteria used to determine what exactly was the hippest hood in the country was a collection of crabbed and cryptic stereotypes cobbled together from the nullity like "walkability", because walking is hip; neighborhood coffee shops per capita, because no one besides hipsters consume caffeine; local food trucks and their ranking according to photocopied zine Zagat, because, ok that one checks out; farmers markets; locally owned restaurants and bars; and "percentage of residents who work in artistic occupations," which, if you're keeping score, pinpoints the profile of the contemporary hipster as an upscale yuppie who also doesn't happen to have a real job to buy all the nice things they consume.  They also took into account the number of times words associated with "hipness" appear on neighborhood profiles on Nextdoor's Neighborhood “Hipness” Index, although they don't say what those are -- I'm guessing they were words such as "literally anything besides Mitt Romney and arthritis medication."

A brief aside, this is the quote that Forbes shared while I waited for the next page of the site to load. It seems appropriate in this context:

Forbes Thought Of The Day

The only liberty an inferior man really cherishes is the liberty to quit work, stretch out in the sun, and scratch himself. ”
— Henry Louis Mencken
So #hipster, Menck. 

Coming in at number one on the list? Silverlake, which, alright fine, maybe they sort of nailed it on that one. Number two was the Mission in SF, noted for its food trucks, cafes, and high population of fucking bums and junkies not patronizing all the food trucks and cafes. All the way down at number three is poor old forgotten Williamsburg, who can at least take comfort in having apparently invented the idea of being hip which didn't exist until around the 90s when Williamsburg splooshed forth from the bountiful trend ovaries of theretofore stodgy old New York City.

The East Coast birthplace of hipsters has shopping, restaurants, nightlife, a thriving music scene, food trucks and great transit options, from the water taxi to streets easily traveled by foot. It also has rising prices: rents in the Brooklyn hood are higher than some downtown hoods in Manhattan.
Hipsters love water taxis. Number four is Wicker Park:
The Midwest Mecca of hipsterdom started attracting artists and young adults in the late 1980s. Nestled around a park, this artists' community is known for its galleries, music venues, boutiques and food options. It's also home to a smattering of Victorian mansions built by wealthy 19th century merchants and beer brewers.
Food options and mansions. 

hipster green house (?) in Capitol Hill, Seattle
Our very own Allston-Brighton even makes the cut at number 18!


"Blue collar meets college hipsters,"remarks Lawless, of this diverse Boston enclave. Brighton Ave is home to a selection of restaurants, bars and clubs catering to the large student population. New England's biggest food truck festival manifested in this neighborhood as well.
Again with the fucking food trucks? Food trucks are for fat people with office jobs and tourists. Can we stop confusing a place to buy a floppy plate of taco meat because you haven't eaten in the past 45 minutes with anything remotely to do with hipness?
Check out the rest of the list and find out if your hood made the cut (it didn't, loser).

 

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2 comments:

said...

trucks actually constructed out of food, more or less hip?

typing that sentence = so hip that water taxis and floppy tacos are on you for the next month.

said...

Trucks that sell food made into the shape of little trucks.

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