Here's what I've been busy complaining about covering over at Bullett this week in case you missed all these super important news stories because for some reason you don't and you're forced to read them a couple days late on this site instead of hot and fresh in your hands when they pop out of my brain oven like a mythological Zeus baby of words.
Lana Del Rey Shares Details of New Album Art, Track List, Pussy Flavor
The cover for the new single, seen above, shows that the steadfastly-cheek-boned vocalist is continuing apace with her Lolita-wave schtick, as do lyrics like “My pussy tastes like Pepsi cola, my eyes are wild like cherry pies. I gots a taste for men who’re older, it’s always been so it’s no surprise.”
That’s one taste of what’s to come (if you know what I mean) from the album, samples of which you can hear in the trailer below. Apparently, it’s a mix of snippets from nine different songs blending into one another, although you might not have realized that if someone didn’t tell you....more
Marina and the Diamonds Too Ugly to Promote, Label Says
Yeah, fine, she can sing, but Marina Diamandis’ malformed, misshapen visage is just a step too far for audiences to withstand, says her label, Atlantic, who has balked at releasing a video for her track “How to be a Heartbreaker.” The frightfully grizzled Diamandis, who’s managed to somehow overcome the music industry’s unhealthy obsession with beauty with the thankfully invisible sound patterns of the music released under the moniker Marina and the Diamonds up until this point, perhaps through some sort of mutant-strength as of yet not understood by science, has said the label won’t release the video until she goes back in the studio for overdubs to auto-tune her repugnant countenance. Also to shave off her horns....more
Wait, Is Justin Timberlake Actually Going Through With That MySpace Re-Launch Thing?
A little over a year ago, investors Chris and Tim Vanderhook and Justin Timberlake, the MySpace-era recording artist, purchased MySpace, a website that your grandparents used to share pixelated n00dz of themselves in messy eyeliner and teased scene hair on. How we laughed at the time. Ho ho ho. Myspace, we chortled, before drifting off into a catatonic state of indifference that our social-networking-destroyed attention spans mandate. For real though, have you logged into MySpace lately? Place is grim. The last time I did I got accosted by a hobo in spiked football pads pushing a shopping cart full of batteries and cans of beans....more
Mitt Romney Outlines Keen Grasp of Physics, Idiocy
Romney followed up by doing the exact opposite, regaling the audience with his keen grasp of the laws of physics when he talked about how wife Anne had a scary moment when her plane had to make an emergency landing due to a fire. It’s not often when you see the phrase “her plane” and you’re meant to take the possessive literally, by the way.
Romney, who apparently gleaned more than just a few ideas about what it means to be president from the scene in Air Force One when Harrison Ford is dangling out of the back of an open plane punching bad guys in the face, gave a humanizing account of the ordeal his wife went through; humanizing because most humans are really dumb....more
The Kanye West Sex Tape Is Here To Reinvent the Sex Game
Fresh off his bold re-invention of the worlds of music, fashion, and sell-flagellating auto-fellatio, Kanye West, the rap game Kanye West, is set to change the way we look at the very concept of our crude, ape-like mating process. A sex tape starring Yeezy, and a woman being described as a “married 18-year-old Kim Kardashian lookalike” is allegedly being shopped around by a source known only as Schmanye Schmest....more
Do you want to be reminded of the good parts of love? The bad? Do you want to be happy? Sad? Do you want to think? Not think? Do you mostly wish that Canadian synth-pop duo Tegan and Sara were singing this song about you? “All I’m thinking lately, is how to get you underneath me.” How about all of those things at once? Are you hungry? Maybe this song could stop off and pick something up on its way home. Take off your shoes you look like you need to relax. Now put them back on because we’re going on an adventure! Long story short, this is the best song of the early music season....more
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