I listened to the entire The Smiths catalog this morning, because that's a reasonable way for a grown man to spend his time instead of working. After a while I noticed a pattern; there were certain songs that I ended up skipping over in my infinite loop through the band’s nearly immaculate catalog. Wait a minute: are there bad Smiths songs? Sacrilege, right? But it’s true, which, on the plus side for big fans, should give you something to feel bummed about for a few hours.
With that in mind, I’ve compiled this list of the ten most skippable Smiths songs. Why? It’s a list for no reason, and lists for no reason are content.
/notrollo, because this is obviously a classic, but does anyone really need to hear it again? I loved Nirvana, but I’m not exactly in any rush to go listen to “Smells Like Teen Spirit” any time soon either. It doesn’t help matters that this is a plodding six and a half minutes of mid-tempo looping tremolo with that tedious middle passage where you’re toughing it out waiting to get to what’s really the only high point of the song: “See I’ve already waited too long.” I feel it, Steven, especially in this snoozer.
Ask any Smiths fanatic, no matter how devoted, to name the worst song they ever recorded, and this will undoubtedly be the first one that springs to mind. Not really fair, since this is actually a cover of the 60s pop singer Twinkle, but that doesn’t get them off the hook for putting this turd to tape, which somehow calls to mind, and surpasses in frippery, Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmas Time.” Points to Morrissey for always paying tribute to his influences, which were typically impeccable, but sadly not in this case.
I know we have the greatest lyricist and vocalist of all time in the band, but what if, and hear me out now, we asked him to sit out for a song? Sounds just crazy enough to work. I literally have nothing else to say about this monotonous instrumental wallow, only notable because it was the b-side to “How Soon Is Now,” other than it’s likely some sort of reference to Oscar Wilde. But then isn’t everything? “I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability,” Wilde once said. I’d say there’s an analogy to be made in the recording of this one.
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<3 love that
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