Sunday, September 30, 2012

Scientists discover nature's rapiest fish



A Mexican fish species known as the llanos mosquitofish, or as I like to call them, the rapey bro fish, has developed an interesting adaptation to the problem of meeting suitable mating partners: he's opened an OK Cupid profile. That's only half of the story though; the fish, as Brian Langerhans of North Carolina State University explains in the Journal of Fish Biology (via), has four hooks on his fish boner that make it harder for the female to resist. Four hooks and one big dick is usually how my review of most Coldplay albums go. 


via
"Typically, reproduction is more costly in females, so females favor ways of reducing mating with 'lower quality' males, but reproduction is cheap in males and so selection favors ways of mating with as many females as possible," Langerhans said in a statement.
These aren't even the rapiest species in the ocean, the piece points out.

THOSE FISH ARE PUSSIES
The recently discovered Vietnamese species Phallostethus cuulong, or as are its friends call it, dick head, has its penis on its head. "But it's not what you're picturing — actually it's probably worse. This penis includes a rod and a jagged hook used for grabbing the female during sex." (via). 

Wait, that's not how most dicks work?
The more technical name for the male fish's penis is the priapium, a complex, muscular organ that looks like it's attached to the fish's chin. The priapium includes the urogential opening and the anus, as well as a bony rod and a sawlike hook, used to clutch on to the female during mating, the researchers said. The female fish's genital opening is also located at her throat. 

Fish are weird.  Also kind of hot right?. That's not the worst of it though, Live Science points out. There are also these nightmare fucking creatures, the rough sea slug, which they explain in terms that shed light on how Republicans pretty much think when they try wrap their heads around the idea of gay marriage

The brightly-colored sea slug Siphopteron quadrispinosum is hermaphroditic, meaning that individuals have both female and male genitalia. When mating, the slug playing the role of the "male" will stab its partner with a syringelike penile appendage and inject prostate fluids into the body. The sea slug penis also comes equipped with four to five large hooks on its base and 20 to 30 tiny spines on its tip, which anchor it into the female reproductive system.
Given all these pointy bits, sea slug sex can do a number on the receptive partner (in about half of matings, one slug takes the male and one the female role; in the other half, both simultaneously fertilize one another). But these slugs take on the female sexual role once or twice a day, researchers from the University of Tuebingen in Germany noticed, far more than necessary to keep the female system in working order. [Marine Marvels: Spectacular Photos of Sea Creatures]

I think we can all agree that no matter what the species, rape is a serious issue that should never be taken lightly, but then again, look at the way that sea slug was dressed... 




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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ha ha! The opening sentence has me rolling. The rest of the article is hilarious too. Shit's on point. Frat rapists indeed.
Let's go down to the harbor and fuck some fish, O'Neil.

said...

give those fish a taste of their own medicine right?

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