Take a good look at this. You probably have an intimate, long-term relationship with it. This greasy blob of semi-curdled jizz is the reason mom had to buy your jeans from the “husky” department at Bradlees. (Well, that and high fructose corn syrup—also on the list, by the way.) It’s the reason the kids called you Fatty McGee. It’s the reason they call you Fatty McGee today. And it’s directly responsible for the pendulous GUNT (see also: front bum) currently draped over your belt buckle like a shitty pile of half-empty water balloons.
Speaking of jizz, does the texture, color and consistency of that sad glob of Hellmann’s up there remind you of anything you wiped off your chin lately? Fact: 9 out of 10 porn stars (not on the list, despite what you might think) would rather have sperm in their eye than mayo. Why? Because mayo stings—that’s the vinegar talking—and cum won’t leak into their pores and make them fat.
But get this: The 10th porn star only preferred mayo because “at least mayo doesn’t smell like a pool.” Which is pretty much the most positive thing we can say about this nasty mess of a condiment: It doesn’t smell like a pool.
Speaking of jizz, does the texture, color and consistency of that sad glob of Hellmann’s up there remind you of anything you wiped off your chin lately? Fact: 9 out of 10 porn stars (not on the list, despite what you might think) would rather have sperm in their eye than mayo. Why? Because mayo stings—that’s the vinegar talking—and cum won’t leak into their pores and make them fat.
But get this: The 10th porn star only preferred mayo because “at least mayo doesn’t smell like a pool.” Which is pretty much the most positive thing we can say about this nasty mess of a condiment: It doesn’t smell like a pool.
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4 comments:
disgusting goop
So you'd rather spread jizz on your sandwiches. Is that what you're saying here?
What's wrong with that?
here here!
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