Having a kid is basically a license to become a full time bullshit artist: Santa Claus is real. You'll see grampa again in heaven, smoking weed makes you homeless, a liberal arts degree from a good college will help you get a job, no one is supposed to masturbate that much, etc.
Damned bloody lies, right? But they serve a purpose. For example, telling your kid there is no such thing as monsters when he's crying in the middle of the night is a good way to get him to shut the fuck up. Crucial parenting skill.
Sounds harsh, but when you consider the alternative, like, say, thrusting the kid's face in front of a swarm of poisonous sea aliens to teach him about nature, the whole "monsters aren't real" lie makes a little more sense.
Look at this poor little kid. What's next on the agenda, dad? A trip to Starbucks to look at all the English Lit majors? I could forward over a copy of my bank statement and an essay about the importance of following your dreams if you want to really scare the shit out of him.
Damned bloody lies, right? But they serve a purpose. For example, telling your kid there is no such thing as monsters when he's crying in the middle of the night is a good way to get him to shut the fuck up. Crucial parenting skill.
Sounds harsh, but when you consider the alternative, like, say, thrusting the kid's face in front of a swarm of poisonous sea aliens to teach him about nature, the whole "monsters aren't real" lie makes a little more sense.
Look at this poor little kid. What's next on the agenda, dad? A trip to Starbucks to look at all the English Lit majors? I could forward over a copy of my bank statement and an essay about the importance of following your dreams if you want to really scare the shit out of him.
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2 comments:
ha.
that sad little ha is almost worse than no comments at all in a way, no?
:|
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