Saturday, August 22, 2009

Using My Name at the Coffee Store

"Hi Luke. Would you like your iced venti americano, Luke? Iced venti americano for Luke."

[ten minutes later]

"Iced venti Americano for
Luke here. Have a good day, Luke."

How nice. Just like at home. Where absolutely no one you are close to ever actually really calls you by your first name that much unless they're yelling at or giving you a guilt trip.

I appreciate how you're trying to fake like this multi-national trillion dollar franchise is just a bullshit little family gathering every morning (that probably explains the alcoholics chain-smoking outside, the army of brats poking everything with their sugary fingers and the old dude talking in his sleep in the chair), but it's having the exact opposite effect. If you really want to pretend like we know eachother well, why not act like my real friends and family and pretend I don't exist?

Or better yet:

"Iced venti americano for the selfish asshole who doesn't visit enough, has no sense of direction, a fear of commitment and shitty career prospects here!"

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12 comments:

said...

i feel like this has already been put on the list, no? regardless, its a marketing tactic because supposedly when someone uses your name repeatedly we are programmed to like that person an therefore buy more coffee from them(according to that psych 101 course i took in college ten years ago).

said...

Previously we just had "knowing my name" which was more of a comment on how people shouldn't remember who you are if you don't know who the hell they are.

Anonymous said...

One DNA test result for Fartmall coming up. Have a nice day, Fartmall.

Anonymous said...

cuz that baby looks like him

Anonymous said...

in the picture i mean

said...

haha

FINALLY said...

Persistence in the name of getting a sympathy-laugh from Luke should probably be listed

Anonymous said...

Snarky!

said...

A sympathy laugh is only one ha. Two ha's is legit.

Anonymous said...

wow, i've witnessed this very thing happen to luke.

said...

Don't use my name when you're referring to me on the internet please.

mick said...

That's why when they ask for your name initially, give them something fun to repeat over and over again. Tell them you prefer to be addressed as "Mister Balls".

- when the corporations fuck with you, fuck with them right back ; )

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