Dear literary journal,
Hope all is well. Thank you for sending your automated rejection email titled "Your submission to No One Reads This Turd Journal Anyway" to us here at Luke's email inbox via your online submission manager. We are sorry this particular rejection took like 7 months to get to us.
Unfortunately, your rejection email was not selected for acceptance by us at this time and your completely disingenuous bullshit cheerleading routine about submitting again was not bought by us, not even for one second.
We hope you will send us another rejection soon, though. We could not continue to feel shitty about ourselves without electronic, impersonal kicks to the balls of our soul like yours!
And while we regret that the large number of rejections we receive makes it difficult for us to respond personally to everyone of you journals we'd never heard of before we picked you off a list and will never ever read or pay for a subscription for anyway much like 100% of the public at large, including most of the people that work there, we want to stress that someone here at Luke's house personally read your rejection and now will probably remember the name of your journal for a couple days. Week at tops.
But again, like we say, not going to buy a subscription. Not ever. Thanks for the spam/dream crushing/ interminable damn wait all the same!
Best!
Luke
Hope all is well. Thank you for sending your automated rejection email titled "Your submission to No One Reads This Turd Journal Anyway" to us here at Luke's email inbox via your online submission manager. We are sorry this particular rejection took like 7 months to get to us.
Unfortunately, your rejection email was not selected for acceptance by us at this time and your completely disingenuous bullshit cheerleading routine about submitting again was not bought by us, not even for one second.
We hope you will send us another rejection soon, though. We could not continue to feel shitty about ourselves without electronic, impersonal kicks to the balls of our soul like yours!
And while we regret that the large number of rejections we receive makes it difficult for us to respond personally to everyone of you journals we'd never heard of before we picked you off a list and will never ever read or pay for a subscription for anyway much like 100% of the public at large, including most of the people that work there, we want to stress that someone here at Luke's house personally read your rejection and now will probably remember the name of your journal for a couple days. Week at tops.
But again, like we say, not going to buy a subscription. Not ever. Thanks for the spam/dream crushing/ interminable damn wait all the same!
Best!
Luke
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