It's the ghost of PTSOTL Christmas past with this holiday re-run link dump, re-packaged with about as much thought and care as you put into the shit you're at the mall stuffing into a shopping cart right now.
It used to be that we would stress out over what specific consumer items we would obligatorily and indifferently foist into the unhinged maws of our friends and families like dropping a fistful of rusty nickels into the gloved-hands of the guy selling flowers on the side of the on-ramp before peaceing the fuck out of their vicinity and back to our couches and TVs, but then the idea of the holiday gift guide was born, and wasting your money on bullshit no one wants for people you barely realize exist the other 11 months of the year built by soot-faced Asian urchins, and marketed by cynical vultures became a lot easier.
Soon the gift guide conceit became so popular that we started getting overwhelmed again with the bounty of servicey-advterorials overflowing, cornucopia-like, from the internetty horn of plenty instructing us on whom to bestow our ill-gotten currency-waste in order to express a more specific brand of seasonal-gimmick-based love.
That's why I've put together this handy Holiday Gift Guide Guide, to help you narrow down which of the guides from the roughly 100% of publications putting out their own/skirting around pay-for-play content ethics. Read the rest.
Soon the gift guide conceit became so popular that we started getting overwhelmed again with the bounty of servicey-advterorials overflowing, cornucopia-like, from the internetty horn of plenty instructing us on whom to bestow our ill-gotten currency-waste in order to express a more specific brand of seasonal-gimmick-based love.
That's why I've put together this handy Holiday Gift Guide Guide, to help you narrow down which of the guides from the roughly 100% of publications putting out their own/skirting around pay-for-play content ethics. Read the rest.
I don't know, man, I saw this piece of shit and I figured I'd better spend some cash on you so you wouldn't think I'm a cheap prick. Pretty sure it sucks and you're not gonna like it, but I went ahead and drove to the store, spent money on it, put it in a box and wrapped it in paper then sat here and looked at you open it because that's what the invisible judge in the air expects us all to do around this time of year. Just gonna go ahead and assume you won't like it, so here's the receipt. You've probably got some time to go stand in line at Target for 17 hours to exchange my forty dollars worth of friendship in late December/ early January right?
Whatever happened to the good old fashioned Christmas gift-giving spirit? The one where you slowly, piece by piece, smuggled your taste into someone else's home by forcing them to own shit that you wish they appreciated just so you could like them better? I used to call that move the Christmas Trojan Horse.
I don't remember what Christmas was supposed to mean when it was first invented because I stopped going to bible classes around age 14 when they wouldn't let me wear an earring. True story. Sad but true. If I've picked up anything in the intervening years since that formative moment in my spiritual and fashion development, I can surmise a thing or two about its real meaning, which is the following: blinged out motherfucking trees of gold and diamonds put up by Muslims. Like this one
Such an emotional day for all of us, what with the looking at each other all day, and sitting in the same room as other people we're related to. It's sort of hard to put things in words. Instead I'll just try to capture the real meaning of Christmas in pictures.
brought to you by
No comments:
Post a Comment