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PTSOTL reader Nicole has been going on a bunch of dates through OK Cupid, or at least trying anyway. You'll be surprised to hear that most of the guys on there are creeps who have no idea how to approach women. She wrote in to explain the trials and tribulations of being a reasonable, attractive woman just trying to meet a normal, good-looking, decent fellow the old fashioned way: algorithm.
"I recently tried OK Cupid for the first time and was stood up," she said. "And I met a lot of seemingly terrible people. I guess I sort of knew what I was in for, so it was my stupid fault."
Or was it? There are plenty of sites out there that detail the horrors of the popular online match-making site. Like this one, rather predictably named, .
"This message was sent approximately a month and a half ago. A little creepy, but it was kept short, so congratuwelldone on that.
However, I then received this message about a week ago."
"Still keeping it short, still keeping it boring, and still hasn’t learned that if you just press that key once, it ends the sentence."
NOT SURE HOW THAT ONE DIDN'T WORK BRO. TRY IT AGAIN, SAME WAY, BUT A LITTLE HARDER. MAYBE SOME POETRY? GIRLS LOVE POETRY RIGHT?
"First of all, never write a poem to a girl as your first message.
Secondly, never start that poem with the term 'evening stroke.'"
Secondly, never start that poem with the term 'evening stroke.'"
Maybe you just picked the wrong blandly romantic poem to cut and paste into the empty message box of dozens of women you've never spoken to before my man? What do I know, I suppose, as I've never had to go through this sort of thing (via being hitched up for most of my life to my bestie <3)
Not everyone is so lucky I suppose. There's an entire Reddit subforum here dedicated to detailing all the ways OK Cupid has failed these flailing, empty-vagina'd/boner-fisted romantics.
My man Christian has written about his online dating exploits in pretty depressingly hilarious fashion.
She has a pretty thick Massachusetts accent, which is kind of a bummer, but I knew this was coming. We talked for about an hour, and then she invited me over to her place to “watch the Red Sox and drink some beers” So the minute this woman started writing me I pretty much knew there was nothing in common, she clearly did not read my profile too well and I wasn’t necessarily attracted to her but she wasn’t hideous or anything. If anything this would give me some practice hanging with a complete stranger, even if said stranger was COMPLETELY FUCKING CRAZY.
Back to Nicole. "I finally decide to join OK Cupid because I’m too busy to deal with meeting people the normal way, and my friends tell me that it´s worked for them in the past and its a good way to go," she said.
"So despite all of my hesitations, I put together a profile and gave it a try. Soon the realization comes that I have made a terrible, terrible mistake.
"I was bombarded with messages that were basically geared toward my physical appearance," she said. That seems weird that guys would do that. There should be a box where guys get to agree to listen to you talk about your day at work,and whoever seems the most interested gets to touch your bum.
Most of the messages, she said "start with 'you are gorgeous.' I suppose I can´t really complain about those ones, except for the fact that they are pretty forward for me. I soon learned that there a numerous amount of horny men in my area."
That seems safe to say.
"I read one profile that stated with confidence 'I don’t have a job, or a car, but I am happy to chip in for gas money to my date.' Really?!"
"I finally ended up talking to someone who seemed like a nice, normal guy. He asked me to meet for drinks pretty quickly after we start talking. Some people have warned me that this is a red flag, but after seeing and being attacked by so many unworthy suitors, I accept in my weary state. Then guess what happens? He stood me up!"
NOT COOL DUDE.
"I texted him after waiting a bit and he writes back to tell me that he forgot/has a family emergency /some other line of crap. Again, really!?"
"Not soon after I meet an Irish guy on Cupid. Then he asked for me to add him as a friend on Facebook. His Facebook page is covered with pictures of women. Then he sends out a message requesting pictures from his female Facebook friends so that he can use them as his cover picture? He says something like 'Want to be my next cover girl?' Seriously, who is this maniac, deluded celebrity?"
"The moral of this story is that there are really terrible people on OK Cupid and if you go on it, you might end up spending most of your time being horrified instead of just meeting someone nice," she finished.
Well. That's depressing. I wanted to know a little bit more though, so I wrote back a few questions.
Do you think people still have a weird aversion to dating sites like this or is it completely normal, I asked. (Also, how old are you?) Did you meet anyone remotely dateable/bangable? Why is it hard to meet people IRL do you think? Where do you usually try to meet people?
"I am 29 years old and I would never in my right mind have EVER used a dating site unless many friends had convinced me that this was a completely normal way of meeting people in our day and age. People just don't have the time and my friends have had a lot of success and say that this is an efficient, simple way to date. I still feel like a geek though. I have met a couple of nice people online but not in person yet and I am a little afraid of what they are going to be like IRL since this site is very weird. I seem to attract a lot of jerks, or it could be that there are just a lot of bad guys out there. Also, I'm never really out 'on the prowl' as they say. When I go out, it's usually just to catch up with friends."
"Also, I recently received an email stating that the site has deemed me 'hot.' This is verbatum: 'We just detected that you're now among the most attractive people on OkCupid. We learned this from clicks to your profile and reactions to you in Quickmatch and Quiver. Did you get a new haircut or something?'"
Congratulations? Seems like that's probably your problem right there. Maybe try being less hot? So some of your friends have had good luck with it? I asked. Do you think there's a difference between the way dudes and girls approach dating sites?
"Yes a couple of my friends have had good luck with OK Cupid yeah. Let me give you some examples of messages here are some of the messages I've received:
From Submissive Matt:Hey Goddess, are You a dominant female?
From Jaayyy427:Hey, my name is Jay, firefighter from southern NH, I work hard, and really enjoy meeting new people, I think I could go anywhere and get along with any crowd, unless they just suck, I like to hike on weekends, fish, shoot guns in the woods, play my guitar, and usually after a few beers, I try and sing like Ray Lamonfontain, typical NH, stuff. But I'm not a complete hillbilly, at all. I don't drive a Chevy truck, nor do I own a snow moble. If you would like to chat sometime, send me a message, hope to hear from you soon, j\
From someone who calls himself tigerman: Hello gorgeous, I have a day off today and i'd love to meet you. Bye "
Weird. I honestly don't understand why that sort of thing isn't working for these guys. Love is dead, you guys. We had a good run.
Have you tried OK Cupid? Had any luck/horror stories? Send n00dz?
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15 comments:
what is the is jay from southern NH bullshit? NOT COOL
Jay?
Yeah, I kinda like Jay. Seems like an alright guy... although what kinda firefighter can't find a woman in real life? If sitcoms have taught me anything, it's that women love firemen.
TV is real, so yeah I dunno.
You're bound to crack HuffPo one of these days.
A blogger can dream... These content fields aren't going to plow themselves.
Additional "Worst Responses On OkCupid" blog:
http://pantslock.com/
Nicole, my darling, you can quit your internet search for love right now. I'm the one you're looking for.
One for Luke cos he's a jealous bloke.
http://www.retronaut.co/2012/05/teenage-morrissey-1970s/
The thing is, online can never replicate the chemistry of meeting someone in real life for the first time. That's why it's never appealed to me. Plus it's not that hard to meet girls - I suppose it could be harder for girls because you can't go up to guys without coming across as a bit slutty/needy? Online dating though... it would be so awkward meeting someone you'd only ever contacted via email or whatever. Which reminds me: Luke, I'll be in Boston on Saturday. Hope you've got the spare bedroom ready! And those anti-allergen mattress covers I requested ;)
LOL!!!
Amazing.
Haha, thanks for the Moz pics.
Good points Pk. What're you doing in Boston?
yo, hook a brother up with nicole
Jeez,
I call OK Cupid "No Way Stupid".
I'm convinced I'll end up meeting someone at the Bar, the old fashioned way. I've had a profile up for months with very little interest generated.
Not One Date.
There was one cute Jewish vegetarian chick was the closest as I've come. Jewish is fine but I'm a voracious eater and a good cook. Steak & Bacon is included in my Happily Ever After. ;P
Last time I was single I used Nerve/WeeklyDig/the Onion Personals, in the earlier Dubble Aughts. the Onion's since changed their thing yet back then, it was either a different crowd or what but I was dating like Fonzie for a whole summer! It was really cool so I know meeting people on-line works.
So OKCupid...sheeeesh. There are a lot of creeps out there, sure. But there are probably an equal or greater amount of well-meaning people looking to hang out with someone.
Is it Algorithm? Or is it the Talent Pool in the Particular Pool...
kriya shakti,
Rev Sully
the Channel OCHO Blog
Eric O'Sullivan
Boston, MA USA
Vegetarians are fine, but it probably gets old trying to have a long term relationship with one when you're a big meat eater.
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