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Riding the bus is probably the most quintessentially PTSOTL-y thing a person can do. I'm gonna be on the bus to New York again in a couple hours, so just to get myself prepared, and so I don't have to write this same exact post later, here's a pretty good prediction of what I'm going to be up against from the List archives.
We've covered that whole fat mess situation you guys have got going on over there pretty thoroughly here what with your eating at the movies, eating at sporting events, eating at places for eating, walking down the street with meatball subs falling out of your pockets all the time like a guy who just won the meatball sub lottery... But when you transfer that phenomenon into an enclosed space filled with total strangers it's taking things up a few notches. And you guys know how much I like to keep things precisely in the appropriate notch they started off in.
I'm on the bus to New York (The bus. New York.) right now, which -- wow! wi-fi on the bus is amazing. I feel like I'm taking a bus to the fucking moon. Soooo, for a while there I thought I was going to walk off of this piece without smelling like a clam shack grease trap. I get enough of that at my day job cleaning clam shack grease traps. Wrong again though Luke, because an hour into the trip my man pulled us over at a Burger King. It's been one hour! We were all fully capable of eating before getting on the bus. An hour ago. But apparently half the fuckers on this doomed ship of meat souls had worked up a thirst for beef by sitting here so hard all that time. This pork coffin on wheels wreaks of perfumed sugar tomatoes and cheese-product now. And desperation. Although that could just be me in fairness. I haven't been myself lately.
On the plus side it gave me a chance to flex the old larynx and lung-holes vis a vis some tobacco flavored dirt air. Speaking of which, no one can tell me that this food smell is any better than if I started gunning butts in the shitter right now. I have a pickle-scented headache. Also, is it possible to get airborne e-coli through the nostrils?
Only thing making this trip tolerable is the NYU student blasting mouth-texts into his horn every five seconds about how his audition went. At least I've got that to distract me.
Also: stop coughing. People cough too much. Swallow that shit. Your humanity is embarrassing me.
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22 comments:
Oh hey it's a coolguy having an argument on his cell phone in the middle of the bus at 10dB. I love hearing about every detail of your sordid life.
I play the meatball sub lottery every damn week. Never a winner.
Those same people who need BK after an hour are the same over-consuming bastards hoarding water, even though they never touch the stuff and subsist by mainlining high fructose corn syrup and Cocoa Puff flavored beverages . . .
But how am I gonna eat when I'm drunk?
And Burger King should be on the list. It's just awful.
my face and neck are sunburned. the beach, right?
I kind of hate your writing on account of I hate everything that I love. Great job.
I respect that.
"blasting mouth-texts"? How 2010 of you.
you are.
Buses. Almost as disgusting and demoralizing as air travel. Slightly more disgusting and demoralizing than driving.
i idea for a drink:
eggnog of rye and strained cocoa puffs milk.
"No hot food" was a good bus rule on a bus I was on once
If it can be killed, and was killed, do not eat it in an enclosed space.
ha. This one was funny. I also enjoy the meatball sub lottery and the bus to the moon. Alsoo, what the fuck bus is this that stops after an hour I never want to go on it. I used to take a bus up to Vermont. It would stop in white river junction and I would go to the gas station and buy three beers and a little thing of cheese and maybe some maple jerky or something cliche. For some reason next door was a chinese food buffet so people would get a bunch of fucking chinese food and bring it on the bus, it was fucking gross. So I feel you on this one. Then the whole bus smells. Usually that bus wasn't that full so I could drink the beers and no one would notice me. Burger King though? I'd be so fucking pissed. I hate fast food.
I'd complain to the bus company, what the hell. What bus is this anyways?
For the record gas stations in vermont are not like the gas stations here, they feature mostly local goods and craft beers (I'd get Double Bags because they are like 8.7% ABV). I know I sound like an asshole, "Well when my bus stops, I go to the gas station, not this Burger King for troglodytes." :)
It was Megabus. I'm on it again this time. Dude stopped an hour in at just like a highway rest stop. Said he needed to do some paper work. I jumped right off and had an unsatisfying hand-sanitizer flavored cigarette.
All those things you said sound super Vermonty. And that bus gif is awesome.
So if it's alive and hasn't been killed we can eat it bus-bound?
That sounds like a reasonable compromise.
PS: YO I'VE BEEN TRAVELING IN CASE YOU COULDN'T TELL FROM THIS POST BEING HERE, SO I HAVEN'T POSTED IN A MINUTE. BRB TOMORROW.
Plus for the bus vs. flying: significantly reduced chance of a moment with a TSA employee that you will only be willing to explain later by pointing specifically at a stuffed animal. Minus for the bus: pretty much everything else.
I don't go that often, so I usually take the bus there and the Acela back, because I'm reminded how awful the bus is again.
Grease traps Cincinnati Ohio sizing is based on the size of the 2 or 3 compartment sink, dishwasher, pot sinks, and mop sinks. The cumulative flow rates of the aforementioned devices, as well as overall grease retention capacity (typically in pounds or kilograms) are considered.
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