How do I put this lightly? Fuck it. You need to lower your standards, and stat. Because let’s face it, you’re not alone because men are intimidated by you, nor have you been single for the past seven years because you think on a higher plane than most people. Nope, if you can’t find someone who will fuck you sober, and more than once, it’s likely because a sizeable portion of the opposite sex is repulsed by you.
This could be for any number of reasons (back fat, that sniffling thing you do, your 8 cats, the fact that your apartment smells like you have 8 cats, that knack for making everyone around you feel uncomfortable, your Champion sweatshirt collection, etc.). So this but I have high standards charade needs to come to a close immediately, because it’s truly painful for the rest of us to stand by and bear witness to this sad, sad delusion.
Yes, it's ok to shoot for the stars, but when that little fantasy inevitably collapses you might want to take a look a few rungs lower down on the ladder if you know what I mean. Lowering your standards is just a natural part of life. In fact it's the very definition of life. Thomas Jefferson said that. Look it up.
So, here's what you need to do:
Step #1: Stop holding out for the guy/girl of your dreams, because what you've got going on over there is not going to fly with Tom Brady, Scarlett Johansson, or even that slightly above average-looking guy who works on the 16th floor.
Step#2: Take what you can get like the rest of us.
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8 comments:
I'm not saying that most of you celibate messes need to lower your standards. I'm just saying that you're probably going to die alone.
tom brady loves me he just doesn't know it.
Hilarious.. who is this writer and how can I meet her? She sounds hot.
tom brady loves me too.
i doubt tom brady would mind if his penis touched yours during a threesome. just saying.
something to think about when i go to bed tonight anyway.
LOL@ the back fat. how unsightly.
ooomph huuuuge bush
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