I spend all day slaving over a hot fire of righteous indignation and this is how you freeloaders repay me? By not commenting that much? Do you think these jokes write themselves? Of course not, I had to steal most of them from other, funnier blogs with my own two hands. And also my eyes I guess. And brain. That's three total body parts I had to get involved. A little appreciation would be nice. Think of it like signing the guest book at a wake if it makes you feel better. A wake for the very concept of humor.
I read the stat logs (oof on me, throw that on the List right quick). I know how many of you there are out there. Look, here's a dude on here just now from Raleigh, North Carolina who spent 5 mins 25 secs reading the List. Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania, represent! Woh, wait a minute. I just realized why I recognize that town. It's where I send my check to Sallie Mae every other month or so give or take a month or two. What sort of special bureaucratic hell have you guys get set up down there? Any chance you could, I don't know, disappear off the face of the earth? Would consider that a total solid. Thanks in advance!
Let's see... going down the list from today's readers here... Tallahassee! Um, none taken on that last Florida post. Thanks for stopping in! We love Florida, for real. Except for every square inch of it we've been through. And also the other places we hear about in the news.
What else? London, United Kingdom (Learn how to tip you cheap pricks. Sorry, cheap cunts.); Stockport, United Kingdom; Alameda, California; Santa Cruz, New Mexico (I thought that place was just a made up state for the movies and for elections to get racists fired up at the polls, no?); Redmond, Washington; Wellington, New Zealand; Mannheim, Baden-wurttemberg, Germany (Love you miserable ill-humored stone-faced bitches over there, but you're going on the List really fucking soon jsyk); Royal Oak, Michigan (are there any jokes about Michigan? What's the point really, right? Be like making fun of sand or, like, a piece of bread? A sandy piece of bread? Do they even have sand there? Someone should probably look into this); Village Of Nagog Woods, Massachusetts... Los...
Wait a second. Village of Nagog Woods? That's the fakest sounding town name I've ever heard in my life. What sort of happy little people frolic up yonder? Have you human like dwellings? How faired this moon's crop good neighbor?
Actually, never mind cause I just found an entry from Stockton-on-tees, United Kingdom. Is that an ancient fiefdom or a white NBA point guard themed t-shirt company? Calling bullshit on that town right now. Nice try though.
Anyway, aside from a snooze-inducing geography lesson, the point here is that we all need to come together and share the special thing we have in common: we hate each other. If there's one thing that people from around the world can agree on it's that everyone else sucks. But, you know, in different ways.
On a related note, a suspiciously high number of people find their way to the List by doing a Google search for prison+rape+jokes. Um...
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13 comments:
Unfortunately commenting here because I asked you to is also on the List, so we've got ourselves sort of an impasse.
fix the banner!
good call. i wish i knew how. and as i've mentioned before my dozen or so designer friends are too fucking lazy and or selfish to donate five seconds of their time to do it.
You should see how many of those fresh lil' blue things there are on the PCOX now, Luke
In general, or specific to this issue? I used to have to knock those things down hard.
you may never know
i'll be sure to go ahead and think about that mystery all day. thanks for the tip.
I'm the Alameda lurker. What am I going to say? "Great fucking work Luke O'Neil, laughed my ass off," just because it is and I did?
Haha. Well said, sir. Consider me abashed and pleased at the same time. Like whenever my girlfriend catches me looking at porn, for example.
I was watching the Patriots-Jets game with my boyfriend just now, and he randomly mentioned that he can't stand fantasy football leagues, and then I told him about this blog and the entry on fantasy football and he thought it was really funny. The end.
fucking patriots. ooof. ughhhh.
Easily the best post yet
Great fucking work Luke O'Neil, laughed my ass off
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