When it comes to expressions of genuine human emotion and spontaneous fun we here at the List usually approach that shit like we do when one of our friends catches on fire: we smother it in a blanket and throw water on it until everyone stops screaming. (Happens more than you'd think.) So don't get this one twisted. We're not saying you have to wax your chest and start spending Monday nights gyrating tits-out on a platform in the VIP lounge. And we're not saying you need to turn into some Mediterranean hip-shifter with a nervous mustache and an ass-pocket full of roofies, because people who like to dance too much are just as bad as people who never dance at all.
All we're saying is this: JUST GO DANCE WITH HER FOR FUCK'S SAKE! That's all she wants. Just go move your goofy hips for like ten minutes to some putrid Beyonce remix and call it a day. It's gonna pay dividends, trust me.
You do tons of shit you don't want to do all the time, (get up in the morning to face the fresh daily horrors of the hopeless void anew; not punch every single person you deal with square in the horn) so why is this one such a stumbling block for the bromandos of the world? Patrick Swayze danced. He danced like a mother fucker. Danced hard and long.
Are you better than Patrick Swayze, sir?
You are not.
Besides, no one is looking at you, and no one is judging you. No one, believe it or not, gives a shit about what you're doing at this very moment at the wedding, or club, or party or what have you. Except for one person: your girlfriend or wife. She notices you not dancing with her. She notices hard.
And more importantly, every time you stand there on the sidelines like a bent corn husk in pleated khakis fiddling with a Bud Light bottle, some turd (sorry, mierda) from Spain gets one well choreographed step closer to eating your woman's pussy. And he'll do it too. We all will.
All we're saying is this: JUST GO DANCE WITH HER FOR FUCK'S SAKE! That's all she wants. Just go move your goofy hips for like ten minutes to some putrid Beyonce remix and call it a day. It's gonna pay dividends, trust me.
You do tons of shit you don't want to do all the time, (get up in the morning to face the fresh daily horrors of the hopeless void anew; not punch every single person you deal with square in the horn) so why is this one such a stumbling block for the bromandos of the world? Patrick Swayze danced. He danced like a mother fucker. Danced hard and long.
Are you better than Patrick Swayze, sir?
You are not.
Besides, no one is looking at you, and no one is judging you. No one, believe it or not, gives a shit about what you're doing at this very moment at the wedding, or club, or party or what have you. Except for one person: your girlfriend or wife. She notices you not dancing with her. She notices hard.
And more importantly, every time you stand there on the sidelines like a bent corn husk in pleated khakis fiddling with a Bud Light bottle, some turd (sorry, mierda) from Spain gets one well choreographed step closer to eating your woman's pussy. And he'll do it too. We all will.
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16 comments:
Nobody puts Chad from accounting in a corner.
AND NO IRONIC DANCING ALLOWED EITHER
Hey, I dance now buddy!
I know you do! You dance more than me for sure.
@Zack looks like someone just needed a little incentive, I wonder what that was?
boner?
Max sort of owed me some dancing at my little sister's wedding for making me the old hag who isn't married yet. (Sound familiar? Anyone?) But the closest he came was Don't Stop Believin' - and he slow jam danced it all the way through. You fags need to tell him how it is.
hate seeing some fucking square with a hot bird just wanting to dance so hard and him just sitting there like a fucking dufus. it's amazing a bird even wants you to fucking smell her never mind dance with her, you fucking choads.
Wouldn't dance at all if it wasn't for the bird, no doubt or question on that. It can be fun for sure but only now and then.
Max will never dance unless on stage...kid hates music and fun....JK BUDDY!
All that being said, how about a wedding or two that doesn't for some reason morph from a stately elegant affair into a cheesy ass top 40 dance party out of nowhere?
So good! I hate ironic dancing! I am e-mailing this to all of the guys I know. I live in New York and see a lot of this here.
If you're gonna dance, dance. Don't do a stand up comedy routine. That is all.
Woh. Jinxed Swayze didn't I? Poor feller.
RIP Swayze. The last white man to dance with heart.
Don't go to Love Night at the Common Ground to work grooves into the bar stools. Your shit is making me hard to get another Jameson and Ginger to bring out on the dance floor to actually enjoy myself.
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