Whatever happened to the good old days of jerking off? When it was a sacred ritual between one man and his one (temporarily) female hand, joined together in spiritual matrimony. It used to be simpler in my day, I tell you what. Whatever it was you got up to in the bathroom was just between you and god and your mom banging on the door to see what the hell you were doing in there for so long. The kids these days don't know how spoiled they are with their internet porn and their penis-severing masturbation oscillators.
It's like the fella once said:
Of course you do, dude.
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