Our man Zavracky lives in New York (traitor), so he has to listen to this shit from these gasbags all the time. It's enough to drive a man insane.
The New York Jets are going to win the Super Bowl. That's pretty much a guarantee. No, not this Super Bowl, because, well, they choked against the Steelers, but a Super Bowl. At an undetermined time. Lock it up.
From the New York Post:
[Despite their loss in the AFC Championship game, Braylon] Edwards was bullish about [the Jets]. He went to the deejay booth [at a New York nightclub on Monday night], grabbed the microphone and told the crowd... "The Jets will be back next season and will go all the way to the Super Bowl."
Oh, ok, that makes more sense. Maybe all that shit they were talking about winning the Super Bowl wasn't referring to this year. Or last year.
Jets coach Rex Ryan has blown everyone's minds this season with his continual claims that the Jets goal is to win the Super Bowl. No other team in NFL history has ever tried to win the Super Bowl. The claim of such a goal was previously unheard of, and the Jets blazed trails all throughout the 2010 season, each week claiming, outrageously, that their plan was to defeat their opponent every game, and to go on to win the Super Bowl.
"Can you imagine?" said Tom Brady, winner of three Super Bowls, in a fake interview. "We never tried to win the Superbowl, that's just crazy. We just sort of hoped that it might happen but we decided to never try too hard for it. Sometimes I'm not even sure who I'm throwing the ball to, I just put it up in the air and I've just been lucky that only four times this season someone from the other team managed to grab it."
Deion Sanders, winner of 3 Super Bowls (wtf?) on two different teams, echoed the sentiment. "We never really tried to win anything on the Cowboys or the Niners. We really just showed up, and got lucky a lot. We didn't even really have set plays. The 2009 and 2010 Jets started all that. We just ran around the field a lot in no particular direction, and for some reason it worked. We figured the Super Bowl is like a hot broad, you never want to try too hard and show her you're interested. You want to make her question herself. You got to play it cool."
Relentlessly taunting other teams each week in the run up to their games and repeating their claims of certain victory was a constant theme in both of the Jets seasons under coach Rex Ryan. Many people would call such claims indicative of being a fat ignorant loudmouth douchebag, but not the Jets or the New York sports media.
Most people in the sports world expected the Jets to just give up and not try to win anymore after this season's disappointment. But that just isn't Rex Ryan's Jets' style. These Jets have a goal: win their games. No other team has had such a goal in the history of the NFL, and possibly in the history of any sport.
Although the Jets have fallen short on their campaign promises for the previous two seasons, it's bound to work eventually if they just keep repeating it over and over again. It won't get tired at all. It's going to work. JETS!
"That's just logic" said Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie to the place in my brain where I make things up. "If you keep telling the media you're going to beat the opposing team before every game, eventually you will never lose again and you'll win the Super Bowl every year for the foreseeable future. It's a great strategy."
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4 comments:
Nothing made me happier than watching this fat smug fuck throw his headset down in disgust.
Maybe he meant they entered a raffle for a really nice punch bowl, and he was feeling optimistic.
That's probably it actually. Case closed.
Angry headset toss was the only thing I enjoyed about the playoffs this year . . .
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