The problem with speaking in hyperbole is that something else always comes along to make what you just said meaningless. So, while the lady who fell into a fountain at the mall and is thinking about suing, uh, someone (no one knows) was literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard up until five seconds ago, this guy who went to Vegas, got a blow job (I'm guessing?) from a hooker, and is actually filing suit against the escort service for 1.8 million dollars makes that fountain lady look like a pussy.
Speaking of pussy, the Las Vegas Sun via Gawker explains the details. The brain-exploding, boner-shriveling, details. "A tourist says he was traumatized when Las Vegas police threatened to arrest him after he complained about an act of prostitution in his hotel room..."
[Hubert] Blackman, a college student, said in an interview Thursday that he was on vacation and staying at the Stratosphere on Dec. 17 when he called Las Vegas Exclusive Personals to arrange for a stripper to come to his room and dance for him.
Blackman said the woman, who appeared to be in her mid 20s, stripped and performed a lap dance for $155 and a sex act for another $120.
Wait, what sex act costs less than a lap dance? Fuck that, I think I might have a pretty solid case against every fucking strip club I've ever been to.
Actually, true story: last time I was out for a bachelor party in Providence, RI, I got propositioned to have $40 anal. $50 for regular sex though. I think she was saving it for someone special, she said. I would have found out, except I'm not really into smacked-out horror stories on wheels squeezing turds onto my penis. Wait, does that make me gay?
[Blackman] said that the next morning, he called Las Vegas Exclusive Personals to demand his money back, saying he was dissatisfied because the entertainer didn't stay for the promised one hour and left after a half hour.
Blackman said he also told the company he was incapable of making an informed agreement with the stripper because he was drunk at the time.
Read that last sentence again. I'll wait here while you glue the million exploded pieces of your brain back together.
Finished? Let's move along.
Long story short, dude called the cops (on himself). "I got a beej, and she didn't hang out with me and talk about it after," he said.
The cops were all, "Bro, that is illegal, and you could face charges, but thanks for telling us." before laughing for a solid hour and telling everyone they know about the biggest retard they've ever dealt with in their history on the Las Vegas police force. Next thing the dude went home to New York and decided, well, here's what he decided:
Blackman said he now needs medical treatment for a mental condition related to the incident.
In the suit, which he filed without an attorney, Blackman said: "I would like the court to close the business. I also would like to get my $275 payment back and a $1.8 million verdict for the tragic event that happened."
In his defense, I've gotten a few tragic blow jobs in my day, but most of those were more a question of poor technique.
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4 comments:
While this is clearly the stupidest thing that's ever happened, I bet if you do you your research, each and every day until your doom, you could find an even stupider event. Each and every day, humans are making worse decisions. WE'RE REALLY DOING IT!
Thinking about all the stupid shit we're going to be able to accomplish is already giving me a face boner.
the real tragedy here is that hubert only has one friend
http://www.facebook.com/people/Hubert-Blackman/553328500#!/profile.php?id=553328500
And, I would like my undies back.
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