Good news for thirsty assholes and people who still think those jokes about the size names at Starbucks are killing it, there's a new kid in town for everyone to shit on, and his name is Geoffrey. Wait, that doesn't sound right *shuffles through papers* Oh, ok, it says here his name is TRENTA.
Come again, Reuters?
LOS ANGELES, Jan 16 (Reuters) - Starbucks Corp (SBUX.O) will roll out its biggest drink size yet -- the 31-ounce "Trenta" -- in all of its U.S. coffee shops by May 3, the company said on Sunday.
The new size will be available only for iced coffee, iced tea and iced tea lemonade drinks in the United States. The Trenta is 7 ounces larger than Starbucks' "Venti" cup for iced drinks, which currently is its largest size on offer.
Drinks in the Trenta size will cost 50 cents more than similar Venti-sized iced drinks, the company said.
The Trenta is 31 ounces? Seriously you guys? You're just fucking with us now, right? Obviously they test-marketed the shit out of this idea, and I would be really happy to make fun of it for you on a blog that makes fun of things, like this one, for example, but to be honest I think one of the customer surveys they did must have been inside my brain, because this is exactly what I used to think when I'd get a venti iced Americano there: too small. You'd take three pulls off of it and the damned thing would be drained dry. Like me after my fourth visit to Pornhub.com in a day, you might say.
Ultimately, this was the reason I decided to switch back to Dunkies this year after a long allegiance to Starbucks. I need my giant iced coffee for when I'm hard at work driving the snow plow, or sheet-rocking a roof, or uh, blogging. That and my Massachusetts townie code of ethics. Everytime I drove past the Dunkin Donuts right next to the Starbucks where I live I felt the fuckers inside staring at me like the lineup of hair-sprayed sisters from "The Fighter." "How could you do this to us?" the store would squawk at me while velcroing its white high tops in unison.
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| Dunkins is yowah family |
So I guess that this wasn't entirely just a post about the new Starbucks size thing after all. It was really more about my own neuroses, which makes it pretty much like everything else I've ever written on here. Good work, team. All around. I'm punching out for the day, I've done what I came to do. *pulls steam whistle*
thanks to Stevaux for the tip.
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4 comments:
Do people who work in factories still have those steam whistles or was that just like a 1960s cartoon type of deal? Like sexy rabbits in bikinis?
Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_kGWWHwUXs
I am going to get a steam whistle installed on this blog.
That movie was racist.
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