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This email from a snooty British flower arranger named Carolyn Bourne, which is apparently a job someone can have in the world, is making the rounds of the lulzy internet world today. Why? Because of "the internet" is why. In it she arranges a lovely new flower hole for her future daughter in law who, it seems, ate and slept more than her fair share when she was a guest at the family home.
So far so boring, right? It's actually a pretty brutal take down, and exactly the type of snobby British bullshit you'd expect to see from the spoil sport uptight villain in a Hugh Grant rom com, but she does bring up a few good points, particularly the one about getting married in a castle. I kept going back and forth trying to figure out whose side I was on here right down to the wire. What do you think, who's the real cunt, and who's just the slightly less cunty cunt? Read the email below.
It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.
Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you. It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.
If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste. There are plenty of finishing schools around.
Please, for your own good, for Freddie’s sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.
Here are a few examples of your lack of manners
I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters’ marriages.)
- When you are a guest in another’s house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat – unless you are positively allergic to something. You do not remark that you do not have enough food. You do not start before everyone else. You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.
- When a guest in another’s house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early – you fall in line with house norms.
- You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.
- You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed.
- You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.
- No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.
If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.
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13 comments:
*step mother-in-law.
Easy mistake. Lots of papers are getting this wrong. But it actually makes her a bigger cunt.
What she mentions is proper etiquette which no one under 50 follows anymore. I do mostly, except for the sleeping thing, which is ok I think with Rob's (my significant other's) parents. I try to be polite but I think I end up looking like a dork. I never ate cooked fish my whole life, but Rob's Mum made it and I was like, oh man, I have to or I'll look like an asshole. And I did, but I think I gave it away because I started eating the bones by accident.
But, then this one time we had lobsters at one of his family gatherings and I don't eat shellfish and never had a lobster in front of me because I don't like eating animals that pretty much live off of fish shit, I almost puked looking at it. Looked like a giant elongated and armored spider. Then his brother was asking everyone for the lobsters uteruses or something trying to show off because they are like a delicacy. Then I went outside and threw up, but I felt really bad.
The last 3 seem like personal jabs to me though.
My mum said that if she was her mother-in-law instead of having flowers she would have lollipops and ask people to wear gold or do those gaudy things some people do on weddings.
@meg I don't know, tough call on lobster. Id say you have to at least put forth an effort.
@rouise iare you not supposed to wear gold at weddings? I don't even know.
Here's how I would deal with a cunt mother in law/father in law. "I am not dealing with them every again. Enjoy your holidays, husband/wife."
the end.
"You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why."
Wait, there's something wrong with this? I have a lot of thinking to do...
Some easy rules to follow so the social ettiquete is never called into question when it come to your significant others family
1) Don't get a signifigant other
2) If you must make sure before saying "I do" that their family is either cool, dead, or not in the picture
3) Agree to not expose each other to family events because they are only stress inducing, judgement clubs that have been going on for years before you showed up
4) Stop being a pussy and chew with your mouth closed in every situation ever
5) Just don't suck in general
6) Ask you signifigant other what their parents favorite booze is, bring a huge bottle, offer them a drink of it, so that they loosen up and not sit there thinking to hard about how you bang their little girl on the reg, likely in an unsavory way
7) See rule number 1
I like all those suggestions.
Finally someone gives the mother-in-law a few etiquette tips for herself: http://wp.me/p11tLH-7W1
Perhaps she'll take them to heart? Not likely.
I've eaten all sorts of weird shit. I did try. Hearing "gimmie all your lobster uteruses" I would hope would put off anyone's appetite.
@anon - lol
if that daughter in law actually violated those rules, especially insulting the family in public, then the mother in law is justified. mother in laws are like everybody else, if you embarrass them and insult them, they won't like you any more.
You are right! this creature haves the most spoiled attitude in this world
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