Yesterday our man Evan Kenney asked me if he could blow my mind for a minute, and I thought it was the moment I've been waiting for all these years at long last. Turns out he just wanted to share this video, which has been around for a while. It still did exactly what he said. There's only like 3,500 views on YouTube "but I'm pretty sure 2,500 of those are from me."


One of my biggest pet peeves, besides people crop dusting at dance nights and blaming it on their girlfriends, is seeing a band that doesn’t engage the audience at a live show between songs. Seriously, some of the greatest bands that have ever existed are so terrible at stage banter that you wonder how they could pull off getting their post-show handjobs from their cougar groupies. That is why the Gods of Metal created Venom, the shittiest, most awful embodiment of a Spinal Tap joke that turned out to be the ULTIMATE stage  banter heroes.

The story goes something like this: Venom was playing a show with Black Flag in NJ and all of Venom’s set was recorded. Someone, I think it may have been Hank Rollins, gave the audio to Thurston Moore, (the guy who plays in that band) and “Mr. Noise-Rock” edited out all of the music and kept all the stage banter. That story may be wrong, but I am too hungover to check out Wikipedia links right now, dudes. What comes of all of this is the absolute best collection of stage banter from one of the worst metal bands alive. Also, they look like that. ^

Video and highlights after the thing. Watch it. For real.

Highlights include:

“You know, we got told about Christmas time that we'd be coming to the Sates to do a promo tour. That meant coming to the States without doing any gigs, so we said “fuck you, man. We gotta get out here and do some gigs”

“You know we're doing some gigs in New York in a few days You getting down there? It’s going to be a bit bigger than this I think…just a little bit.”

“What should we do for you now? Want to hear something really heavy? Want to hear something that will kick your balls off? This is a track that features Albert on the drums. It’s a track called “Warrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhead.” Come on I want to see all your fucking hands up there. Hell yeah."

“Do you want to hear a fast one? Do you want to hear a fucking fast one? I need refreshment before I do this one. What the fuck is that?”

Enjoy, dicks.

--EVAN KENNEY

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