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| "Maine's version of art" |
I recently covered the most Florida thing I've ever seen, which, as you'll recall, was a piece of bacon and a cigarette butt in an ashtray near the beach. This photo here is what I thought might be the most Maine thing I've ever seen (via ). She called it "Maine's version of art." Heh.
But then I wasn't so sure if that was really the most Maine thing I could think of, so I asked a couple of Mainer friends for ideas, which is probably the first time anyone has ever asked someone from Maine for anything other than the keys to their summer cottage or where to score junk.
"How about a lobster-man pulling up a trap full of hydrocodone while a 65 year old hippie paints watercolor landscapes of lighthouses at a yard sale with a No Trespassing sign out front?" I asked my boys Chris and John.
John made that bad ass List Wolf with sunglasses poster over there, btw. "A disgustingly obese family with 'NObama' shirts either eating at McDonald's or shopping at Wal-mart with a shopping cart full of Twinkies" was his first suggestion. That'll do.
Quick search on the Bangor Daily News came up with a treasure trove of other options like these:
Police: Bangor man on bath salts arrested after series of 911 hang-up calls
Man charged with oxycodone, bath salts possession after alleged hallucination
Police say man on bath salts attempted ‘suicide by cop’
Or my favorite:
Brewer woman on bath salts arrested after second incident
BREWER, Maine — A Brewer woman who admitted to using synthetic drugs called ‘bath salts’ broke into a home early Sunday and locked herself in the bathroom, then several hours later she was arrested after reporting someone had broken into her house.
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Maybe the idea is more simple and less bath-salt related though. "Like a busted boat or car on blocks in someone's front yard?" Chris thought. "Also people do these things called 'exploded tire' planters that are old tires turned into flower planters. The exploded part is the tire has wedges cuts from the inner bead to the tread and the edges flare out in little decorative triangles."
Like so.
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"Those are both pretty Maine," Chris said. "Also. if you can find a good image match for xenophobia, I guess that would work. Maybe a fat dude lounging at his above ground pool, outside the double wide, as his wife claws inside the mailbox looking for a disability check, or an '81 Corolla driving by a paper mill with a dead deer strapped across the hood?"
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"That works too," John said. "Oh wait, just a fucking picture of Allen's Coffee Brandy. And maybe like a jug of whole milk. State drink, yo."
Ladies and gentlemen...Maine.
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5 comments:
couple other suggestions from Facebook post:
Rob Kraemer Snowmobile driving down st.
In summer
Elise Kopesky A bear trying to get into a hot tub :)
David Day This works especially if they were selling them on the side of the road.
Leo Crowley man driving a tractor too/from the package store.
John Brookhouse Except we don't call em package stores up there. We call them gas stations.
Woman shaving her beard with a lobster claw?
Stephen King viciously sodomizing tourists in the north woods. Oxy is universally loved. Bath salts too?
Home of the roughest, beat ass looking white people outside of Oregon. Racist? Sure, why not.
Yeah, all those weird people from that state I'm not from? Total xenophobes, them.
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