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| ...and no baby penis was ever safe again |
Well, not Tom Brady's actual penis, per se, although he did literally make it with his own, so I guess that counts.
Sorry to blast everyone in the face with two spurts of Massachusetts in a row here since PTSOTL is a blog citizen of the blog world, and just like love, and wind, and that one group of doctors, it has no borders, but I've been away for a few days, and a lot has been happening. Like this story about famous baby dicks that broke over the weekend.
Barstool Sports, probably the most shameful site that I check in on regularly, (unless you count 4tube.com) because I love sports almost as much as I hate myself, is well known for pushing the boundaries of good taste via fratty misogyny, anonymity-cloaked aww-shucksy-racism, and a rogue's gallery of commenters that make the gang posting on your average YouTube video look like a salon at George Plimpton's, but what can I say, they have a treasure trove of fast food restaurant fight videos over there and that stuff is always gold. Like this this one. And this one. And this one.
But! Last week they may have crossed the thin line that separates boorish, porn-culture sports boobery from boorish, porn-culture sports boobery and child pornography. You might say they really gave themselves the old baby dick with this one. If that were a phrase that people said.
Writer Dave Portnoy posted a piece called " which made light of superstar hero quarterback Tom Brady's son and his apparently impressive hogan Mankins, if you will.
Deadspin has the details today, since the Barstool link has been removed. "Just swinging low like a boss," he wrote. "That's what MVP QB's do. They impregnate chicks and give birth to big dicked kids."
Predictably, Boston sports fans took it all in stride, displaying that famous sense of humor and ability to take a joke that they're known for. Just kidding obviously. The concern trolls over here in Boston collapsed onto their collective fainting couches as if they'd just eaten 12 lbs of chicken legs and quaffed a litre of Miller Lite, which they also did I'm guessing.
Deadspin has more:
The post that it resulted in writer Dave Portnoy's being banned from Boston sports radio station WEEI, numerous threats of bodily harm from faceless Boston sports fans, and a mini-revolt from some of his own obscenely loyal fan base.
According to Portnoy, the outcries were so severe that two exasperated Massachusetts state police officers even paid a visit to his house to ask if he would pull the offending post down. Yes, you read that right: Boston's lunatic sports community was so outraged by the republished close-up image of Tom Brady's toddler son's allegedly oversized penis that two poor smokeys had to intervene.
has some of the offended Tweeters reactions, which is an actual news-gathering technique now, no matter how many times we try to tell ourselves it isn't.
Meanwhile on the Twitterverse, football fans were ringing in with “Retweet if you think Albert Haynesworth should be allowed to stomp on the guy from Barstool Sports’ head for posting the Brady baby pic.” Then there was, “I hope you get shut down,” posted @xokathryn. “Real classy posting that picture of Brady’s son. Be more invasive and creepy.” And this one: “Barstool guy has to go,” tweeted @danhanscom. “Picture of Brady’s kid is child porn.”
Portnoy hasn't apologized for the post's being offensive, although he might have at least credited that one Curb Your Enthusiasm episode, and why should he? I never thought I'd be in a position where I'd end up defending Bar Stool Sports, the internet equivalent of a fat guy in cargo shorts who knows what time the shifts change at all the strip clubs in town, but I cannot, in good conscience, as a journalist, and, more importantly, as a guy who thinks baby penises are hilarious, sit by idly and watch a colleague in the illustrious field of rewriting other people's news stories and inserting poop jokes and boob pictures into them be pilloried for nothing. He didn't take the pictures. He didn't masturbate to them, I'm assuming, and he didn't intend them to be taken as anything other than a joke. Like his site as a whole, you might say.
What's this world coming to when we can't use the internet for what it was intended for, exposing millions and millions of dicks, all the time, everywhere. So many dicks. All different kinds, just being dicks. Because that's exactly what dicks do.
UPDATE: Portnoy just blogged about the topic on WEEI, the sports talk radio station today in a post titled Glenn Ordway Tries to Get Me Murdered (Literally) Over Brady Babygate. The sausage-throated cretins on the show in question, who for some reason regularly descend into entry level Obama-bashing in between galumphing, neck-bearded brain farts about sports, are much worse than Portnoy, in my opinion. At least he's aware of what irony is.
I stand by posting those pictures 110% and think that anybody who has a problem with them are nuts. I’ll also say that for two hours straight WEEI encouraged people to call up and say I should be murdered.
Every call went like this…
Crazy Caller – Portnoy broke Federal law and somebody needs to show up at his house and kill him
Big O – Yeah it’s wrong. He’ll probably end up in jail
Crazy Caller – No he needs to be murdered. Where does he live?
Big O – Well we can’t condone murder even though he probably deserves it. Back to the phone lines. Everybody out there why don’t’ you tell us how David Portnoy should be killed.
And on and on it went for 2 hours. So you tell me what’s worse? Posting a picture of a baby with his wee wee out or literally trying to incite a riot to get ratings for the first time in 3 years. Not to mention the fact if the picture was so awful why were they telling everybody and their grandmother to go look at it?
Hate to say it, but he's right. Feels bad yo.
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13 comments:
This site is outrageous I'm calling my congressman!
I love how this headline is reminiscent of Encylopedia Brown
I'd like to be on that case.
wheres this brady baby penis pic?
Why do you want to know PERVERT?
if kurt cobain and tom brady had a baby, whose dick would he get?
informational purposes. but seriously, having not looked any further into this, where did the photo come from to begin with?
Ultimately, I think the joke at the center of the impulse to post the pics in the first place -- Tom Brady is so awesome, even his baby has a giant dick -- is pretty funny.
@mj: HA! Blowing my mind.
@ursy: They were some paparazzi shots of the kid on the beach with Giselle. Dunno where they are now.
Litre? Did I accidentally surf over to www. ptsotl.ca?
Harf. Not sure what I was thinking there. Oh well, too late to do anything about it now.
BTW:
This is Barstool's Deadspin moment, which, coincidentally, revolved around another QB-affiliated penis.
This whole kerfuffle is providing Barstool Sports with far more attention than it deserves.
A blogger for a publication that exists solely to provide beer companies with a chance to display ads containing large-breasted women said something marginally offense. Let's get over it.
You are correct, but what if I can parasite a little of that undeserved attention onto my own blog? What then?
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