|
| via Universal Hub |
If a DJ DJs without turntables, is he still a DJ? *exhales* Deep shit, man. *coughs for three minutes, makes everyone nervous*
Sounds like a dorm room bullshit session, or the type of thing you'd see two boners jawing about in the corner at a sick afterhours with this DJ I know, you guys haven't heard of him yet, but he does this one party at a loft in Southie on Saturdays, I'll send you the Facebook invite where you can RSVP to get a text message for the address an hour before it happens later if you want to email me your number.
In this case it's neither of those things, actually. Instead it's a matter of grave state law consequence.
I'm working on a piece about bars that have to get creative working around laws that don't permit them to sell hard liquor. Their licenses do allow them, however, to serve vodka, tequila and other spirits when they're infused with a certain amount of sugar or other ingredients that therefor categorize them as cordials.
It's another one of those oddly specific, seemingly random laws that govern the No Fun Zone spanning the roughly 10,555 square miles that comprise the fair Commonwealth of Massachusetts like I covered here in .
Turns out there's an analogy for the music world as well, as Universal Hub reports, the Albanian restaurant Vlora was cited by the Boston Licensing Board for violating not only their liquor license, thereby threatening the lives of children everywhere, but also their entertainment license, effectively destroying the moral fabric of the universe for all time to come (paraphrasing there).
The board will have to decide, UH writes, "whether it buys the restaurant's argument that a DJ is not a DJ if he doesn't have turntables - Vlora is not licensed for DJs."
Boston Police Sgt. Robert Mulvey also cited the restaurant for having a DJ, in violation of its entertainment license, which does not allow one. Owner Aldo Velaj said the guy didn't have any turntables. [Board Chairwoman Nicole] Murati-Ferrer said that's a distinction that makes no difference - DJs these days often use laptops instead of turntables.
"Also, that last Skrillex record? Kind of disappointing," she might have added.
Scary stuff, right? I think the real takeaway here though is that being a state bureaucrat sounds like a fucking blast. "OK, today we're gonna drink this infused vodka to see if it gets us drunk enough to get DTF, then we're gonna bullshit about DJs for a couple hours."
That sounds like half of my friends right there. Where do I sign up for that cushy public sector paycheck?
That sounds like half of my friends right there. Where do I sign up for that cushy public sector paycheck?
Also pretty cool to note that restaurant owner Aldo Velaj is a DJ purist. Computers have ruined everything, right? Bro, I know a bunch of promoters if you want me to hook you up with an opening slot at a 18+ electro tumblrslut night or whatever.
Nicole Murati Ferrer is a total sell out, on the other hand. DJing is an art, Nicole. It's not just a guy or girl standing in front of a computer pushing buttons. Beat-matching and pitch-shifting takes literally [some undefined amount of time] to perfect. RESPECT ELECTRONIC MUSIC.
Also, just saying, but I probably wouldn't mind bumping into our girl Murati Ferrer after a few distilled spirits mixed with or over fruits, flowers, plants or pure juices therefrom out on the dance floor, if you follow me.
brought to you by
3 comments:
"Massachusetts Liquor Board Rules..." More like Massachusetts Liquor Board RULEZ, right?
I've described MA liquor laws as "Byzantine", but mainly because I like that word, and it rarely comes up in conversation outside of the odd Highland Kitchen spelling bee.
That is a good word. Daedalean doesn't roll off the tongue as well, but it has a nice punch.
Post a Comment