Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Music is still, somehow, getting worse | Stock market douches remain as douchey as ever



Goddammit Blogger, you picked a bad week to have a bug in the embedding videos code, especially with gold I could be posting, arriving to lay waste to the crowded biggest-piece-of-shit-song-of-the-month field. And you thought the hot new trend in awful music was for the swag to get younger and younger? Guess again. Dad Rap is here.

"There is a lot of competition these days to make the worst high budget song ever," my man Aaron P said, who I have to thank/blame for sharing this. I like the part where he brags about the quality health care he has at his disposal in between rented stripper booty shots and car porn. "You got to be fucking kidding me, this dude has proper flow," Evan K said.  "Whoa, live show! He is all about unity, socially concious. Dude is the next Q-tip but with an AARP card."



Tyler L sent this video over, called , which I was expecting to turn out to be a Funny or Die spoof the whole time. It's over and I still sort of am. This shit is just one flaming sword-wielding soldier rappelling out of a helicopter to fight a dragon short of Army Recruitment video territory, except it's about people who make millions of dollars moving imaginary numbers from one column to another. DANGEROUS SHIT. "I'm pretty sure that Disturbed song in those Army/Navy ads accounted for a 45% increase in recruiting (and a 72% increase in nu-metal boners)," Tyler said, which is funny, but also points out that he knows what a Disturbed song is. 

Here's the gravelly voiceover from the clip.



THIS. IS. INVESTING!

They call us gamblers. They say we depend on luck. They claim that no one can beat the market and we're wasting our time. This isn't a real job. We should give up our hobby they say. But if theу only knew... That we're the masters of risk, the essence of entrepreneurial spirit, the liquidity of the economy. We live by our wits. Eating what we hunt. Adapting to the ever changing jungle landscape; that is the markets. We trade the currencies you circulate when you shop.  We trade the companies you work for each day. We trade the gold on the watch on your wrist. While you wilt at the sight of failure and loss, we relish adversity. We are not afraid to take losses, to talk about our losses, to rebound from our losses. Those are our defining moments. Discipline and self awareness are our companions. We are what you've always wished you could be... And we're coming out of the shadows. We are traders. We bankrupt the entire fucking country through our voracious greed. We don't actually do anything. We are ridiculous, sports-car-crashing, bottle-service-ordering cunts. We hate ourselves more than you hate us, and that still isn't enough. We are traders. 


I give this video one thumbs down and two giant fuck yous. Next?



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1 comment:

this guy said...

I don't like music any more thanks to this blog.

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