Sunday, August 21, 2011

Hilarious NYC subway near-tragedy that everyone feels good about

gothamist via youtubsz
 
Everyone knows that you don't touch the third rail. What isn't quite as obvious is that "the third rail" is what they call a human being in distress who falls onto the subway tracks in New York City.

"In the disturbing videos below, a disoriented man rolls around on the L train tracks after falling off the platform at the DeKalb Avenue station in Bushwick," Gothamist writes.  

The videos, helpfully titled White Boy Wasted on L Train 1-3 have been taken down, which is good news for people who didn't need another excuse to spend the day seething with virulent, yet ultimately futile if we're being honest, disdain for humanity.

I'll recap them for you though. Dude falls. People laugh. MTA worker goes to get help. Someone tells him not to touch the rail, and to wake up, which is helpful advice, right, but no one offers any real-world-based assistance, which is one of the top five kinds of assistance. No one cares. "Nah, I'm not jumping in those tracks girl, chill," the guy taking the video says. Video ends. "How about all the hipsters on the L train and in Bushwick these days, amirite!?" ten thousand unfunny old people write on observational humor blogs everywhere. Earth slides off the back of the giant space turtle shell it rests on  directly into the mouth of a galaxy-sized dragon. No one cares. From deep within the hellish void of nothingness, internet commentors continue firing off well-observed commentaries about how this entire exchange says one thing or another about race relations in America. No one cares. 

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