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I was on a panel today at Berklee College of Music talking about how to get your band noticed by music press. I think that makes me a professor, so I'd appreciate it if you address me as Dr. from here on out. It was fun and good, and I got to shoot the shit with my colleagues and mumble zingers in front of a crowd, which is always nice, but I completely forgot to bring up my number one piece of advice for Berklee kids on how to get famous: start a cutesy quirk-pop duo with your fiance and do white-people covers of r&b songs. Boom, sorted.
I do have one piece of advice that I think is something people should take into consideration though, which I shared at the thing. It's the same thing I always tell younger writers who ask me how to get editors to notice them or pay attention to their pitches. Approaching press when you're in a band, or trying to get a writing gig, or any job for that matter (LOL @me knowing anything about jobs), is the exact same thing as trying to hook up with someone via penis/vagina relations. You don't approach someone right away when you see them across a room and say "Let's go fuck" right? Maybe you do actually, I don't know how it works for kids these days, one minute you're introducing yourself and the next you've got couples' butthole shots up on your Tumblr.
But for adult people, you have to play it cool, right, you don't rush right into things. That means treating the person you want to impress like a human being without jamming ahead to what your real ulterior motive is. You're in a band, you meet some super-relevant tastemaker like me and the first thing you say is "Will you write about my band?" and that's the last thing in the world I want to do. I meet an editor out in the world who I'd like to work for some day at a bar or something, I don't immediately start pitching ideas. People are much more likely to relate to you as an actual person that exists instead of a bundle of wants if that's how you present yourself to them. As a person. Oh, you're in a band? Word? Maybe tell me next time and can the SoundCloud page on legs routine. It just comes off as desperate.
The key to getting in with writers, editors, employers, or some chick whose boobies you would really, really like to touch right now at this exact moment is all about showing up at the right time when they're not expecting it. Everyone is going to have an opening you can fill at one point or another, sometimes literally IYCWIDT. So chill the fuck out and wait until it comes up naturally. Your band/writing career/boner will still be there next time. Hopefully.
Some other good advice from my famous friends in the Facebook thread on the topic.
Ned: Write good tunes and kiss a lot of ass. Thanks. Bye.
Evan: A. Move the fuck out of Boston. (Throws down smokebomb, vanishes.)
Rez: B. Start a rap feud with someone, then hope that someone dies soon after said rap battle.
Joe: That's preposterous. Everyone knows the only way to get discovered is to incessantly drop references to your band at work and in social situations.
Jason: get a girl keyboard stand
HA to that last one. He's talking about this band who played in Boston last night (via Marotta and the Phoenix).
With a strange resemblance to Nataly Dawn of Pomplamoose, the kneeling ladysynth was golden-tanned and wearing some edgy dark shades, so clearly there's a nugget of performance art involved here. But she doesn't even seem to be considered a member of the band (her face ain't painted in the banner of their website), and she sat towards the back of the stage very silently when her services weren't needed.Yikes. Not sure about that one. Gonna need more evidence if the girl is b@ngable first before I decide if I like their music.
Then again, as Chris Jackson subtly hinted at in the thread, it's probably a really good idea to take advice on how to make it in an indie band from a guy who was in one that looked like this:
Nice choo-choo hat dick.
Other things:
Super excited that Urban Outfitters is carrying my book in all the Mass. stores lately, and it's getting some siqqq real estate. Thanks to my boys Big Time and Jesse for helping set it up. See, this is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. If you want to get your book prominently displayed in a store, all you have to do is start a band ten years ago, play a bunch of shows with another band who likes to drink the same way that you do, wait till they get in a position of power at a super famous lifestyle franchise, then voila!
"They selling a Welcome to Boston starter kit?" my co-panelist today Michael Marotta asked when he saw this. "Where's the Dropkicks kilt?" Ha, should come with a free punch in the face with every purchase. Actually, I should probably do a Kickstarter thing where I bundle my book, the forthcoming PTSOTL t-shirts and a punch in the fucking in the yob together in a package.
This is apropos of nothing, but Craft Spells have a new track and I like them. Yo, you young bands should maybe think about playing really reverby washed out post-punk. I hear that's what people are into now.
Speaking of time machines, which I always just sort of assume someone is talking about somewhere, so that transition makes sense, I stumbled into a Red Line time machine the other day. People from not-Boston won't get this, but wtf? Couple of those stations don't exist anymore, and there are three that had to be drawn in with sharpie because they hadn't been invented yet when this car was put in service. Has to be at least 25 years old, right? Maybe more? 100? Probably 100 years old.
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2 comments:
@the female keyboard stand, that's sexist, yo. why don't they just string her from her vag to her teeth and play her like a guitar? female, furniture, or performance FAHT? you decide!
I'm super into performance FAHT this cycle.
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