Should've remembered to use Vagifresh Balls

It's been a confusing week for women's concerns with a new PETA ad that endorses domestic violence getting a lot of attention. Even worse is the news that all of your black-magic riddled spider cave vaginas are going to have to go back to being filthy and shameful, and not just because Rick Santorum is doing so well in the Republican primaries. 

First, this news from the FDA, who are instituting a recall on the products Vagifresh Ball, Vagifresh Gel, and Female One.  "Vaginal products sold as cosmetics have been recalled because they contain a drug ingredient or harmful bacteria." 

Wait, vaginas do? I knew it. 

Oh, they mean the awesomely named Vagifresh Balls. 

"FDA’s analysis found that Vagifresh Gel contains benzocaine—an active ingredient in many anesthetic drug products—and Vagifresh Ball is contaminated with bacteria. FDA also determined that marketing material for these products contains unproven treatment claims related to various gynecologic conditions. These claims could have caused women who use these products from getting proper medical care for potentially serious conditions." 

Preventing women from getting proper medical care? Maybe Rick Santorum is behind this shit after all.

'Vagifresh Gel and Vagifresh Ball were sold in herbal stores, beauty shops, drug stores and by Internet and mail order. The two products were also sold together with Vagifresh Liquid in a package named Female One. (The Vagifresh Liquid product has not been recalled.)" 

Oh thank god we still have that one. LOL @ "Female One" by the way. Hey honey, which product was it you wanted me to pick up on the way home again? The female one?

H/T to Erik for sharing the link, but someone remind me to ask him why he was on that site in the first place. "If you go to the product shots, you'll notice that they promise 'Vaginal Elasticity and Sensual Pleasure,' as well as 'Deoderizes Vagina,'" he said.  

Speaking of promising vaginal elasticity and sensual pleasure, a new series of PETA ads this week have caused a bit of a controversy. In the first spot "Boyfriend Went Vegan" a distressed woman is shown walking the streets disheveled and in pain. She can't walk right. Was she raped? Was she beaten up? Are we about to learn more about the horrors of domestic abuse?

LOL JUST KIDDING says PETA. Only thing that abused this bitch is her vegan boyfriend's beet-powered cock of justice. At first it struck me as oddly tone deaf for PETA, and really un-PC, but then I remembered that assaulting women is kind of their go-to move (via buckets of paint). I guess the math checks out.

According to Linsday Rajt, PETA's associate director of campaigns and outreach, the commercial is "tongue-in-cheek."

“She had vigorous sex, so she looks disheveled. But the bottom line is, she’s coming back from the grocery store with an armful of vegetables because she enjoyed it so much,” Rajt explained to the Daily News. “It’s meant to be humorous.” NY Daily News

Oh, I see. She enjoyed getting beat up so much that she still went out and got her man dinner. I'm sure that never happens to victims of domestic violence in the real world right? Wait, let me go ask 100% of women who've been hurt by their partners whether or not they get conflicted about that sort of thing.

Anyway, it's obviously meant to be trolling, and I do think it's kind of funny aside from the neck brace. They could have toned it back a little to convey the same message, but then again, 8 million bloggers like me wouldn't be sharing it around then now would we?

By the way, between you and me, I've had some good sex a couple times in my day, and it never ended up with homegirl in a neck brace. Maybe I'm doing it wrong? Or it could just be, as one vagina-crrying friend commented on the video, "These videos are awful, but they make me wonder, who wants to fuck for three hours at a time?"

Right? Makin love til the break of dawn baby. Uh, no thanks. Can we just wrap this whole thing up in like a tidy half hour? That seems good for me. I'm not a vegan though, so what do I know about magic dick power.

I just had a great idea, maybe this lady should stick fresh produce up her snatch to freshen it up and create more elasticity next time before clocking in at the fucking factory for an eight hour shift? Can I market that idea? Has anyone tried that yet? Besides everyone?

brought to you by