There was much speculation yesterday over professional huckster and refrigerated milk bottle full of syphilis semen Donald Trump's announcement that he would have a big, yoooj, even, revelation about the President. I wrote about in Bullett last night, wondering whether or not it would revolve around, as rumors suggested, old news about a hypothetical Obama divorce from years back, or outdated revelations about Obama's use of and/or sale of drugs in college. It was, you will be surprised to here, somehow even less significant than either of those. The big news is that Trump is still a birther.
In a letter released on his Facebook page, (both of which he links to in the letter/ransom note, which, LOL at his inability to not self-promote for five fucking seconds) he pledges that if Obama will release his passport information and the full transcripts of his time in college, he will donate $5 million to the charity of the president's choosing.
“President Obama is the least transparent president in the history of this country. There’s never been anything like it,” Trump said in the video, taking credit for getting Obama to release his longform birth certificate “or whatever it may be.” Politico.
Unlike me, he added, a translucent jelly-fish like sea creature of unfathomable emptiness.
“If he releases these records, it will end the question and indeed the anger of many Americans. They’ll know something about their president. Their president will become transparent, like other presidents,” he said. “I absolutely would be the most happy of all if I did in fact make this contribution through the president to these charities.No word on what Trump or anyone expects to see in the transcripts, last I checked my own college didn't keep track of illegal activity or any other relevant fuck ups next to all those B- I got and that one D I got for walking out of my internship at the White House (true story), but maybe they do things differently at Harvard?
Read the full letter below.
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4 comments:
that one D I got for walking out of my internship at the White House #waitwhat
Haha yeah, I was a White House intern under Clinton. I quit with a week or two left to go because I just couldn't deal with photocopying and horseshit and southern sorority girl try-hard and wearing a suit in the DC swamp anymore. Next thing you know I'm a fucking loser music writer. Could've been somebody :
Wait, what was the perceived career trajectory going into that internship?
Dickscrub? I dunno, I used to want to be in politics. Intered for my state senator as well when I was in college. Weird. I almost never think about that.
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