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| Marr Birk and his gay family, .5 of which is probably literally gay. |
An NFL player has written an op-ed in defense of "traditional marriage" this week, which we'll talk about in a second here, but when we're done I want you to stick around for what might be the most quintessentially Huffington Postian thing I've seen since, well, the last example, and all of the other ones that come out every day.
In response to recent statement by his teammate Brendon Ayanbadejo, and a follow-up article from the Vikings' Chris Kluwe in support of gay marriage, both of which were sadly newsworthy in the year 2012, the Baltimore Ravens Matt Birk published an op-ed in the Star Tribune titled #nohomo. More or less titled that.
It should come as no surprise that the National Football League supports the right of its players to share their opinions on important public matters, nor should it come as a surprise that I personally support my colleagues' rights to voice their opinions.
But the conversation during the last few weeks on the subject of same-sex marriage has told a different story -- one that appears to be drawing a false connection between supporting true American values like free speech and the institution of marriage, our most fundamental and important social institution.
I think it is important to set the record straight about what the marriage debate is and is not about, and to clarify that not all NFL players think redefining marriage is a good thing.
He then goes on to do at least one of those things, reeling off a list of horseshit cliches that basically amount to "won't someone think about the children" repeated over the course of a thousand or so words.
He does at least admit that same sex marriage won't have an effect on his own marriage, which shows, like in a horror movie when the monster grows invulnerable to whatever new attack you launch at it, that at least they're adapting with the evolving argument.
Same-sex unions may not affect my marriage specifically, but it will affect my children -- the next generation. Ideas have consequences, and laws shape culture. Marriage redefinition will affect the broader well-being of children and the welfare of society. As a Christian and a citizen, I am compelled to care about both.
Not your marriage, just ALL MARRIAGES TO EVER HAPPEN AGAIN IN HISTORY. Wait, maybe that's worse.
I am speaking out on this issue because it is far too important to remain silent. People who are simply acknowledging the basic reality of marriage between one man and one woman are being labeled as "bigots" and "homophobic." Aren't we past that as a society?
I was going to ask you the same thing broski. "Also, the refs cheated to let my team beat the Patriots last week," he throws in there at the end for some weird reason, but at least he's coming clean.
Hat tip to the Huffington Post for making me aware of this story, but extra triple-fakie-goofy-foot hat tips to them for what has to be most necessary bit of information gathering I've ever seen, this jaw-droppingly hilarious slice of content that slaps you in the face with its big gay-married balls just as you land at the bottom of the post:
Now that right there is just good internet. Quick, let's all go click through that for some reason, that seems like information we could really use.
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9 comments:
I don't understand why you'd even have an opinion on gay marriage if you're not actually gay. Having a problem with gay marriage when you're straight is like getting annoyed at someone for eating a kiwi fruit when you don't like kiwi fruit.
The kiwi fruit wants to brainwash your children and steal your tax dollars.
Fucking kiwi fruit and their agenda...
Gay ass fruit. Kiwis just want to ass fuck NFL players. And smoke meth.
Oh the irony to have the kid on his knee turn out gay. Can't wait till he brings home a Puerto Rican with a head full of jheri curl as his senior prom date. Aieeee papi, this is Carlos. Isn't he dreamy? The elder Birk's head would explode with what to yell out first. Fag or ni**er. Short circuit. We'll hear about this guy dropping some racial shit soon enough. It can't be far behind.
When's PTSOTL weighing in on ButtChugGate?
This really made me laugh: "Can't wait till he brings home a Puerto Rican with a head full of jheri curl as his senior prom date."
Anon - you've gotta have some full posts in you.
Ha. Thanks PK. High praise indeed. While I might have a post or two I don't think Luke wants to associate his site with a hateful old prick such as myself. I'm surprised my IP address hasn't been banned after some drug fueled comments. Anyway I keep striving to be an intelligent chill bro thanks to guys like you and O'Neil.
Now that the shameless dick sucking is over, here's a public service announcement. On almost every guest post there comes a time when somebody (most likely me) asks what the drug scene is like in that part of the world. I'm into the pharmaceuticals so do yourself a favor and get some Baclofen. I got it for back spasms but it's good for opiate and alcohol withdrawal as well. You will get very high. It takes forever to kick in though, like 2 hours. 20mg should do nicely. The first time I took it I took an additional 20mg thinking it was weak. I awoke in bed fully clothed with the fire alarm going off and lumps of charcoal in the oven. Did not remember shit. Happy hunting, kids.
P.S. Take the following day off. You'll still be a tad goofy. Your pupils will be blown also. Dark eyed? No prob. I'm a blue eyed devil so it looked like an eclipse behind 2 manhole covers or Ren and Stimpy cartoon eyes.
Thanks for the tip. Definitely not going to try that shit though.
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