This shit was bad enough when you did it in private while sitting in traffic or even in public on the subway with your headphones on or whatever. Nobody was gonna confuse you with the dude from Faster Pussycat, anyway. Same goes with air drums: John Bonham, you ain’t. But now you gotta enter a fucking contest? Have it your way, assholes, but if anyone out there has the number for al-Qaeda, or, like, one of those leftover IRA dudes, please send it my way ASA-fuckin’-P, because I wanna line the basement walls of that place with military grade explosives and napalm jelly and I’ll even do it in the name of Allah and Bobby Sands at the same time if it makes you all disappear in a smoldering cloud of permanent failure.
Oh, wait—give me my dynamite back. These people go first:
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genius.
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