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| that is a spider bite right there dude. a spider bite. |
Spiders fucking blow. Yes, being able to do some of that spider ninja action they do would be kind of fresh, no doubt. Jumping and swinging around on ropes and eating the shit out bugs. It'd be like being some sort of half spider, half man. The Man Spider, if you will. But since I can't do any of that, as far as you know, eff spiders and eff me.
You realize we're dealing with for real monsters here, right? Nightmare eat your face type dudes who are waging an unending battle to crawl into your ears at night and lay ten thousand eggs.
Fortunately, it's only by mere happenstance of evolution that these little eight legged dickheads aren't just a tad bigger, rendering them capable of wrapping you in their disgusting puss and mucus web and slowly digesting your tits over the course of a few days.
Until that species wide growth spurt hits though, you think it's cool if we cut the shit with the laying traps for my giant head every time I step outside? I'm pretty sure that your web, while annoying, isn't going to slow me down just yet. Spread the word to your buddies, ok?
You realize we're dealing with for real monsters here, right? Nightmare eat your face type dudes who are waging an unending battle to crawl into your ears at night and lay ten thousand eggs.
Fortunately, it's only by mere happenstance of evolution that these little eight legged dickheads aren't just a tad bigger, rendering them capable of wrapping you in their disgusting puss and mucus web and slowly digesting your tits over the course of a few days.
Until that species wide growth spurt hits though, you think it's cool if we cut the shit with the laying traps for my giant head every time I step outside? I'm pretty sure that your web, while annoying, isn't going to slow me down just yet. Spread the word to your buddies, ok?
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3 comments:
I see the format has switched to Classic Rock/Oldies over here at the list
haha. well, now that people actually read the damn thing i figure there's no sense in letting perfectly mediocre old bits go lost in the ass end of this turd blog.
I am never going outside again.
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